“Don’t’ you know tricks are for kids?”

Okay, let’s get this review over with.  Sit down, if you’re not doing so already. And brace yourself.  I’m saying this more for my own benefit, really.

I utterly despise the movie Kids.  I remember all the controversy surrounding the release of this film, how its “unflinching look at reality” an frank depiction of underage shenanigans in the city caused it to be slapped with an NC-17 rating upon its theatrical release (later released unrated).  I personally waited a good twelve years until renting it to see what all the controversy was all about.  And after watching, I honestly can say that I had a strong desire to take a long hot shower in a vain attempt to purge the unclean feeling this thing slopped all over me.  I still get twitchy thinking about this just to hammer out a review.

Kids starts off with our main character – a fifteen year old punk (and not as in the music) who you will grow to loathe as the move progresses – deflowering a barely pubescent 12-year-old in a rather graphic simulation.  There’s no nudity, fortunately, but…no.  Wrong. And it only goes downhill from there.

Turns out our protagonist [/sarcasm] has a personal goal to deflower as many virgins in his life as possible.  Which is made all that much more disgusting when we learn, via a scene with one of his former conquests testing positive, that our Romeo has AIDS.  He and his friend spend the day running around, hanging out with their friends, participating in good wholesome activities like rolling and smoking blunts (in a scene that comes off as more of a tutorial), beating people up with skateboards, imbibing in various drugs and alcohol consumption, shoplifting, various sexual encounters, all the while swearing constantly and being so cocky you really have to fight the urge to choke the crap out of them all.

Deep breaths, here.  Going to my happy place.

Meanwhile, the aforementioned former conquest spends most of the time trying to find the boy who took her virtue to confront him with this development, which results in her getting slipped roofies at a rave and getting raped while unconscious at a house party right before the movie ends.

You know something? Screw this movie.  Seriously, SCREW THIS MOVIE.  It’s exploitation for exploitation’s sake, having no redeeming value whatsoever.  The sheer nihilism of Kids intensifies the insult to our intelligence.  Instead of presenting a raw and unflinching realism, this movie just made me want to kick every teenager I come across in the teeth.  And if that was the purpose, well then, bravo.  Job well done.  Pass.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take another shower.  Unclean, unclean, unclean…