CARNOSAURNew Horizon Picture Corp.
1993
R

“The last thing we need is a biotech panic about chickens!”

A brilliant geneticist plans to expose a lethal virus to every human being on the planet. Her objective: to destroy humankind in favor of her new strain of prehistoric dinosaurs. Two people stand in the way of her diabolical plan, a cynical night watchman and a lovely idealistic environmentalist. The two must overcome their differences long enough to uncover the scientist’s scheme and fight her carnivorous creations in a desperate battle against the extinction of the human race.

This is one of those movies that made me want to hurt the movie really, really bad after viewing it. I remember renting it with a friend of mine, thinking it would be a good, cheep horror flick to enjoy. It was horrific, all right…for all the wrong reasons. Where to begin? Well, there’s the usual “mad scientist plans on wiping out the human race by bioengineering dinosaurs”, this particular mad scientist in question played by Diane Ladd, who spouts off such monologue gems as, “The earth was not made for us. She was made for the dinosaurs. The earth was scaled to their dimensions. Human beings are ants crawling through their living rooms.” So, uh, what would that make ants? Anyway, some Green Peace knock-off group gets involved, not because of dinosaurs (that comes later), but because of chicken slaughtering for mass consumption. Of course, these are the stereotypical pot-smoking, neo-hippie types, who spout off inane banter such as “Peace, green brother!” (That was uttered by one of the expendable members, who said that to the dinosaur before being duly consumed…so there is good in dinosaurs after all) Not to mention the fact that the dinosaur was very obviously a hand puppet (gah!), and the plot line degenerated into something David Lynch couldn’t follow. Anyway, if you want to laugh for all the wrong reasons, and see some stupendously bad acting and effects, pop in this cheep Jurassic Park knock-off and don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Advertisements