Movie Review: SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRENew World Pictures
1982
R

“You know how girls love to scream.”

Trish’s parents are out of town, so she decides to take advantage of the lack of parental guidance, and invite her girl friends over for a slumber party. After a brief day at High School (again, looking like they’re in their 20s, the only reason I can surmise that they’re still in high school is that they flunked out a few times), which involves basketball practice (which show that their team probably won’t make it to the state finals any time soon), the girls head over to Trish’s place for a night of debauchery. Of course, there’s a killer on the loose, one who prefer the use of a cordless drill that apparently doesn’t require recharging, one that sports a two-foot long bit that calls into question some sort of underlying Freudian symbolism on the killer’s part. He quickly takes out a telephone repair woman and a student at the high school (a student that almost makes it, if it weren’t for that blasted blood trail), then skips merrily off to the slumber party for his own brand of fun debauchery. Back at the party, three boys show up (always), and after some childish shenanigans and mind-numbing bantering, the killing finally begins. First, two get whacked in a van, then the pizza guy shows up rather eviscerated, and then the phone lines are cut (note: It was much, much easier to be a killer back then…no cell phones…just one snip, and your quarry is cut off from the outside world…ah, the good old days…). And before you can shout “IT’S ABOUT BLOODY TIME!”, the kiddies start finding themselves living impaired in rather messy ways. After more of the kids, a couple of neighbors, and the basketball coach (don’t ask) gets offed, the surviving kids decide to mount a counterattack, one of the victims knocks him down and then…well, if you’ve stayed with it this far, you have a stronger stomach and a higher tolerance for cheese that most do…congrats…

Yeesh. As bad movies go, this is one of those that fall in the “Irredeemably Bad” category. It’s not just bad, it’s sub-amateurish bad. Like, a bunch of high schoolers decided to make a horror movie for credit bad. The dialogue is beyond insipid, the editing is just horrendous, and the acting…GAAH! I had to supplement my petitions for the cast’s bloody and immediate demises by banging my head against something, at the time Nex’s coffee table. Sorry about that, BTW…

Okay, ’nuff said. Bad movie. Very bad movie. Avoid like plague.

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