Movie Review: STEPFORD WIVES (2004)Paramount Pictures

“I’m going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.”

Great merciful CRAP. That’s $8.00 I’ll never see again. Not to mention two hours out of my life I’ll never, ever see again. This so-called “re-envisioning” of the fun read that was Ira Levin’s 1972 novel doesn’t know what it wants to be- horror, black comedy, suspense, drama…it doesn’t make up its mind. Add on very uninspired roles, a very annoying Bette Midler (when isn’t she?), and a final ending that’s riddled with plot holes and an attempt at some kind of social commentary (I think it had something to do with heterosexuals=bad, I don’t know…), and I’m left with a gigantic headache and a need to hurt the obvious 1000 monkeys the Hollywood producers used to write this gigantic steaming pile of crap…