Lake DeadAfter Dark Films / Lionsgate
2007
R

Three beautiful sisters learn of a long lost grandfather, but only make this discovery upon the news of his grisly death. Enticed to visit grandpa’s old home after hearing of an inheritance, the sisters head to the back country with some friends. We quickly follow the group of friends through the gates of a redneck infested hell. The psychotic family occupying the inherited property goes on a long awaited, and much enjoyed killing spree. As the family’s twisted motives unravel, the sisters discover a terror worse than death.

Sometimes, I wonder if the people who are hired to hammer out the synopsis blurbs on the back of the DVDs of movies are made to watch the movies first, or if they’re given a general idea of what the movie is about and spared the actual horror that is watching the movie in the first place. Because, I know if I was in that position, I wouldn’t have been able to type anything close to coherent for quite some time, like I just glimpsed an Eldritch horror staring at me from the Void and I was left a babbling madman, muttering indistinguishable words and laughing uncontrollably.

Yeah. Lake Dead is that kind of a bad movie. As one of the contestants of the 2007 After Dark Horrorfest, so far it has ranked at the very bottom of the list of the 8 films that were featured in the series, and something tells me it’s going to remain at the bottom indefinitely.

Lake Dead is yet another in a long line of inbred psychotic hillbilly torture pron that is as forgettable as it is painful to watch. And the pain is not solely from the torture pron aspect, either. This movie hits it on all levels: The acting is terrible, the effects are terrible, the story is derivatively terrible, the pacing is terrible. How terrible? Lake Dead skirts dangerously close to Birdemic bad. The only thing saving it from that kind of bad was there was no 1990s style animated gif effects utilized. Nope, Lake Dead manages to insult my intelligence all by itself, without such tawdry gimmicks.

Lake Dead is an exercise in bad movie watchin’ that isn’t even the good kind of bad movie watchin’. Pass this one up with extreme prejudice.

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