obeySo, it’s been a while since I’ve had something of some kind of substance posted on this bligity-blog of mine. Assuming people still look at this thing, I could give you the usual reasoning behind my lack of updates on here; but, I’m sure you’re all well acquainted with my…shall we say, condition, and have come to expect—and maybe even love—my quirky posting schedules. That, and the wifi has been rather spotty these past couple of weeks, so there’s that.

But, I figure something is due, and as I was consuming my Friday Night After-Work Chinese Takeout, looking at the sites I was able to get to with the least amount of lag time (my fortune cookie didn’t have a message embedded inside…I don’t know if that’s an omen of things to come or not), it occurred to me that we are on the cusp of yet another bout of Presidential elections, which means soon we’re going to get bombarded with more than our fair share of sales pitches from our nation’s gaggle of aristocracy (or what passes for royalty in a so-called Democratic Republic).

This lead to me thinking, if I were to run for President of this here U. S. of A., what would my campaign theme music be? Forget non-important things like political stances and campaign speeches—they’re slapped together with as much thought as a Mad Libs sheet, anyway—you can tell everything about the candidate running by the song he or she picks for their theme music.

And since I have a rather strong What You See Is What You Get, transparency stance when it comes to my own day-to-day life, here’s the Top 5 list—in no particular order—of the songs that best convey my thoughts on the political system in general, and thus my choices for the campaign trail that will never happen, ever:

“Devil That You Know” (Anthrax)

…I figured, by now, considering the past thirty years or so of Presidential elections, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone actually used this as their campaign slogan, and win.

“Irresponsible Hate Anthem” (Marilyn Manson)

…I, too, have often lamented the fact that I was not born with the adequate amount of middle fingers to sufficiently convey my thoughts on many things, the blatant (and often-times hilarious) hypocrisy of the political system foremost in my head. Fortunately, this song more than makes up for my shortcomings.

“Peace Sells” (Megadeth)

…okay, everyone, show of hands: How many were surprised to see this one on the list? Anyone? Anyone at all? Yeah, had a feeling. Moving along, now.

“Happiness In Slavery” (Nine Inch Nails)

…if reading the title to this song still doesn’t clear away any sort of ambiguity as to what I have planned for my four-year tenure in your mind, then you’re someone I could really use in the White House. Or, as I will rename it right after my swearing in, the “Doom Palace”.

“Raining Blood” (Slayer)

…or as I call ’em, “Mondays”. Yeah, this is really less a campaign song choice as it is my alternate choice of what will be playing in place of the trite and tired “Hail To The Chief” thing they use to announce the entrance of the Exalted Overlord of America. Oh, and also, I will demand to be referred to as the Exalted Overlord of America.

Yeah, I think by now it’s pretty clear that I would make a very anti-Presidential POTUS. And in case you were wondering where any of the Rage Against The Soda Machine songs are…I’m afraid I have too much of a sense of humor to actually enjoy their music. That is to say, I have a sense of humor; I can’t listen to that crap.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to start deciding whether I’m going to vote for Vic Rattlehead or Eddie as the write-in come Election Day. Cheers, my wonderful freaks.

::END TRANSMISSION::

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