empty eyesSomething is missing. That much I know. I’ve had this feeling, gnawing inside of me, for decades now. No, I know that the feeling that something is missing is a constant. While the closer I get with God, the longer I go down this journey, the stronger the hold the Holy Spirit has with me, the more I’m aware that this sensation that something inside of me is missing is there. I have been learning what it means to be content with where I’m at, what I have and where I’m headed. He is my Lord in the darkness as well as the light, the high points and the low points, the peaks and the valleys. He is my all-in-all.

And yet…something’s missing. A dark, sucking maw that hasn’t been filled yet. Empty. I cannot fill it, no one else can fill it but God, and that’s in his timing. Yet, that sensation persists. And it always gets the most pronounced and amplified this time of year, it seems.

This is the major reason why I’m not that big on participating in the Holiday Season. I’m a terrible liar, and thus I’m not able to bring myself to pretend to be happy for the benefit of others. So I avoid being around people as much as I can, save for the family gatherings that really do pick me up a bit. But, ultimately, I have to bear this feeling that’s something’s missing…not alone, for I have the Holy Spirit with me always. But I do wish I knew what it was this will all benefit for His glory.

Because, in the end, I know that’s all this is leading to, really.