Movie Review SIRENUniversal Studios Home Entertainment
2016
NR

“I like you.”

One week before his wedding day, Jonah and his groomsmen hit the town for a wild night of club hopping and debauchery. The night soon takes a twisted turn for the worse when the group is invited to a seedy underground club. After Jonah frees a seemingly imprisoned dancer, he realizes that the woman he released is actually a terrifying, legendary creature that will stop at nothing to claim her prey.

Hey, remember the horror anthology movie V/H/S? If you don’t, that’s fine. I won’t judge you too harshly. But, the first short on that collection was something called “Amateur Night”, which, to quote directly from my own review, is about “three bros go bar-hopping and bring back a couple of girls to have sex with in their hotel room and make an amateur porn video in the process…until they discover too late that one of the girls is not what she seems”. Well, bravely traversing into SPOILER territory, that was because the young lady was a Siren, the beautiful creature of myth and legend that lures unsuspecting males to their doom by way of mystical singing. Also, in this case, transforming from their human form to a terrifying wing-ed gargoyle-looking thing that originally lead me to believe she was more of a harpie when I first saw the short. This, of course, was rectified by the full-length adaptation of that short, entitled SiREN.

The movie begins with a police officer and a powerful shaman stumbling upon the titular Siren that was summoned by a bunch of amateur (and very dead) black magick practitioners. He manages to charm the Siren long enough to get a mystical lock on her. “Now, we can be friends” and all that. Cut to the standard Guys On Their Way To Bachelor Party Shenanigans, wherein the younger brother of the guy getting married takes him and their friends to a less-than-stellar strip club, because why waste a good stereotype? While moping about how underwhelming the experience is, they’re approached by a guy in a bad goatee to check out a secret Gentleman’s Club where it’s promised their dreams of the perfect night would be realized. Of course, they follow him out there, where they’re met with, not only something completely different from your standard strip club, but the proprietor of this fine establishment, Mr. Nix. Which also happens to be that occult master we saw at the beginning of the flick. He takes the boys into the back, where the bachelor in question gets some time with Mr. Nix’s star attraction: the Siren. A slight problem arises when the Siren takes a shine to the young man, who in turn decides to bust her free from not only her cage, but also her mystical shackles. Now what started as a night of sub-standard bachelor hijinks is now a terrifyingly horrific game of cat and mouse, with neither side really knowing if they’re the cat or the mouse, with Mr. Nix doing everything in his power to get the Siren back, and the hapless groom-to-be discovering first hand the mating habits of said Siren while they attempt to elude her former owner. Things don’t end well, let’s just say.

Usually, padding out a short to make it work as a full-length results in something a bit more sub-standard than expected. Fortunately, expanding “Amature Night” into the full-length Siren worked very, very well. Mainly due to the fact that the story doesn’t really follow that of the short, outside of a bunch of guys going out for shenanigans and running into the Siren. The story in Siren was expanded to explain why the creature was on this plain of existence, as well as a bit more expansion to how the boys run into her. Oh, did I mention that the same actress that played the siren in the short also plays the titular creature here in the movie? And both times she manages to nail the character’s horrific yet curiously tragic mythical creature. She still utilizes the phrase, “I like you” in a way that still sent danger chills shooting down my spine and raising the goosebumps.

Overall, I found Siren (or SiREN, as it’s listed on Amazon and IMDB) to be a fun and very effective B-Movie horror flick that will give give you the creeps and give you an aversion to gentlemen clubs in the middle of nowhere that are run by possible Voodoo warlocks.

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