aliencovenant20th Century Fox
2017
R

Sleep well. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.

Bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, members of the colony ship Covenant discover what they think to be an uncharted paradise. While there, they meet David, the synthetic survivor of the doomed Prometheus expedition. The mysterious world soon turns dark and dangerous when a hostile alien life form forces the crew into a deadly fight for survival.

Wild-eyed speculation time, again. You see, I have a theory about the recent couple of Alien-centric movies that Ridley Scott has produced in recent years. That theory being that he’s secretly trolling everyone with Alien: Covenant due to not being able to continue with the whole Prometheus storyline proper, and gave in and did a half-arsed Alien prequel sequel as a playful middle finger to studio suits and those who complained that Prometheus wasn’t “Alien enough”. This is the only logical explanation I can think of to explain this rather lackluster and mediocre entry in the overall Alien franchise.

If you recall with my review of Prometheus (it’s here if you need a brush-up, it has been five years after all), I actually rather liked the movie, mainly because it dared to do something different than your standard Alien movie. I was hoping for a continuation like this that eventually tied into the current Alien timeline set forth in the 1979 original classic. Instead, it was evident that the powers that be wanted more of a conventional Alien movie, so then we got this.

I should point out that I’m going to be spoiling the earwax out of this movie from here on out. Here we go, then…

After a bit of a prelude that shows the interaction between the android (or is that “replicant”? I think that it’s been established that the Alien universe is loosely tied into the Blade Runner universe as well) David from Prometheus and his creator Peter Weyland, starting things off with a nifty discussion on the existential nature of existence and the relationship between creator and its creation. Off to a nice start, here. Flash forward to about ten years after the events in Prometheus (I keep referencing a better movie, that’s not good), and the colony transport ship Covenant ship is en route to a habitable planet to set up shop for several thousand humans frozen embryos from Earth. They’ve got a good 7 years to go at this point, when a neutrino burst hits the ship, killing some colonists as well as the captain while in cryo-sleep. As the rest of the crew–along with their upgraded Android/Replicant named Walter–go about repairing the ship, they pick up a distress signal emanating from a nearby habitable planet that they somehow overlooked while picking out another planet to Manifest Destiny the heck out of. Recognizing it as a John Denver song, and reasoning that the popularity of John Denver probably isn’t powerful enough to reach beyond Earth, they decide to check it out.

Is any of this beginning to sound familiar, here? No? Let us continue, then…

The landing party discovers the planet in question is something of a paradise [SYMBOLISM ALERT!], and yet seems to have evidence that it was once populated by an intelligent life that at least figured out how to cultivate wheat. Not counting the one person they left at the shuttle, the landing party splits into two groups–one to run some tests to see how habitable the land is, and another to find the source of the transmission that got them there in the first place. Of course, aforementioned source is emanated from the crashed Engineer ship from the end of Prometheus, and is overtaken with overgrowth. A couple of guys from the landing party manage to get infected by the Fungal Spores of DOOM, and after a rather quick bit of an allergic reaction, each have a cute widdle neomorph pop out of them. The shuttle blows up, several from the group die horribly, and the survivors are saved by David the android and taken to his bachelor pad. Everyone freshens up, the two androids bond over music and existential discussion, and a fully grown neomorph decides to drop by for a bite or two to eat. That’s when David unveils his main hobby, and it doesn’t involve basket weaving. Wackiness ensues, they manage to fight off a full-fledged xenomorph and make it back to the Covenant, then another xenomorph shows up on board, more wackiness ensues, the alien is then knocked off of the ship with a couple of terraforming rigs, and both the survivors snuggle into their cryo-sleep pods, finding out too late that the wrong android/replicant came back with them from the planet. The end, for now.

The thing is, for all intents and purposes, Alien:Covenant isn’t a bad movie, per se. Ridley Scott manages to once again squeeze every ounce of gorgeous cinematography out of the scenes, resulting in some very breath-taking shots. Couple that with some atmospheric Gothic style interior shots of both the derelict Engineer ship and the ancient edifice that David made his home for the past 10 years. When it comes to the characters, though, it’s hands-down Michael Fastbender’s show, playing both David and his updated successor Walter, and interacting with…well, himself wonderfully. Danny McBride as ship jockey Tennessee was decent as well. The rest of the cast were, um…adequate, I want to say. And by that, I mean the crew wasn’t exactly the best of the best, here. Come to think of it, that seems to be the case for every one of the Alien movies.

The biggest weakness I found with Alien: Covenant was the feeling of been there, done that. The plot really does tread the similar ground that the other Alien movies went. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a complete retread of the very first Alien movie, but the similarities are rather stark when it isn’t trying to shoehorn in the events of Prometheus to try and make things work as a prequel. In the end, there are more questions raised than actually answered.

Overall, I don’t think Alien: Covenant went so far as to ruin the Alien franchise, but it doesn’t really present an argument that we shouldn’t let the franchise die with some dignity left. Worth at least one look, but wait for VOD.

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