dark imageMidnight Releasing

“Look, no one thinks clearly when they’re sober.”

Ever since caving in and signing up for the Amazon Prime account over a year ago, I’ve used it primarily to watch the oodles and oodles of horror movies they include in the free streaming movie sections. And just like with Netflix and those multi-movie DVD packs from WalMart, more often than not, I find myself wading through what initially appears to be at least a decent movie gauging by the cover art, is actually a rather bad movie, and not one of those so-bad-it’s-good type, either. Dark Image is one of those movies.

Originally made in 2012, and going by the title Mirror Image, Dark Image tells the tale of a young lady who, after being found tied up in a basement with her twin sister dead, is released from a psychiatric hospital and put in the charge of her psychiatrist uncle. The girl decides to go back to her childhood home to work out some of her demons from the traumatic experience, and maybe find out who the murderer is. Always a good idea, there. There’s this cop that is hired on to follow her around in accordance with trying to solve the cold case of her family’s death. Soon after showing up with her cousin to keep her company, the young lady begins hearing voices, receiving flashbacks to her growing up, and seeing things…and then goes out to a club with her cousin. Continuing to get flashbacks and warnings from what seems to be an otherworldly entity, so she goes back home, with her cousin following suit some time later. Meanwhile, flashbacks keep driving the lady over the edge, and finally we get some answers as to who killed her sister…HERSELF! Dun dun duuuuuuuun. So then she goes back to her stabby-stabby ways, everyone dies offscreen, and we end with her back in the psychiatric hospital and stuff. Gads.

Watching Dark Image was very much an exercise in mind-numbing endurance. As it turns out, this movie was one of those magical ones that bends time and space, making its paltry 1 hour and 15 minute run time seem like forever. It’s like when whatever is getting sucked into a black hole, the closer it gets to the event horizon, time slows down to a near stand-still. The same theory holds here: This movie sucks so hard, the further you get into watching it, time slows down to a crawl.

Everything is just bad here: The daytime soap opera level quality of both the acting and the filming, the bargain bin effects, the horrible script…if I wasn’t feeling insulted with the quality, I was constantly checking the time lapse to see how long it was before this thing was over. Pass this one up entirely, if you come upon this in your search for horror watchin’.