Vinyl Confessions: WELCOME TO MY BREAKDOWN

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Continuing on (long overdue) with my showing off of my ever-growing vinyl record collection, I now present to you the so-far three albums from one of my favorite performers: Alice Cooper…
alice cooper killer
ALICE COOPER – Killer
This one is probably the first Alice Cooper that I never did own in any other format. Meaning, this is the first time I’ve heard this one put out with the Alice Cooper Band proper. And…it’s a pretty good album, really. Some pretty good deep cuts on this one…
alice cooper welcome to my nightmare
ALICE COOPER – Welcome To My Nightmare
Everything about this album is classic Alice Cooper, from the concept, the Vincent Price cameo, and the Steven Trilogy still gives me chills and freaks me out each time I listen to it. Like a good Hammer horror flick should…
alice cooper goes to hell
ALICE COOPER – Goes To Hell
Of the three that I have on vinyl (for now), this is probably my least favorite one. That’s not to say there aren’t any bright spots on this; it just that, following up such a strong concept record like Welcome To My Nightmare, this one just doesn’t compete. Love that cover, though…

I’m still keeping my eyes open for other records from master of shock rock, so this probably won’t be the last time this guy’s going to pop up in this blog series. Until next time, cheers…

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Movie Review: R.O.T.O.R.

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rotorImperial Entertainment
1987
NR

“The only difference between a hero and a villain is the amount of compensation they take for their services. At our pay scale, I’d say we’re closer to heroes.”

The city is in chaos–society’s scum are running rampant, murder and rape are on the rose. A special unit to develop R.O.T.O.R.–robotic officer of the tactical operations research unit–is set up. Its prime objective is to build the perfect cop…a law enforcement machine programmed to overcome all obstacles and make sure the streets are safe.When the completion date for R.O.T.O.R. is brought forward, a major side effect is overlooked, and R.O.T.O.R. goes berserk. The dream turns into a nightmare. Can it be stopped, or will it threaten the very existence of the society it was built to protect?

Why? Why do i punish myself like this? I mean, seriously, I may have a serious problem, here. I see a movie title that I know is going to be painful to watch, and I’m drawn to it like a moth to flame. And when I saw the late-80s sci-fi cheeseball R.O.T.O.R. on the movie streaming service I use, I knew it was going to be a painful one to watch…but something deep inside me overrode that survival instinct, and urged me to click PLAY, sitting at rapt attention and taking in every minute until the end credits rolled, and not soon enough. And boy, what a painful experience that was.

What we have with R.O.T.O.R. (and I have grown to despise having to type out that acronym) is a low-budget mashup of concepts lifted from The Terminator, Robocop, and possibly the Judge Dredd comics. Scientists are developing a kind of robot cop to make law enforcement more effective, their corrupt corporate boss pushes them to release the prototype in a month instead of allowing the several years to develop it properly because of politics, and of course the robotic cop malfunctions right out of the box and begins ganking prole for the most minor of infractions. And when the disposed scientist who was warning everyone of the fallacy of letting this thing loose too early in the first place teams up with his body-building ladyfriend to take the rogue cyborg cop down, things get wacky.

Did I mention that the cyborg cop sports a porn ‘stash and looks like a Village People cosplayer? It’s hard to strike fear and terror when you expect the thing to break into a rendition of “Y.M.C.A.” at any given moment. Although, that would have improved the movie greatly if it did.

It boggles my mind how a derivative piece of garbage like R.O.T.O.R. made it to production, let alone get released to the general public. What’s worse is that, this is the kind of bad movie that you can’t seem to stop watching, just out of morbid curiosity as to just how bad it really can get. And when the end credits roll, you have no other choice but foist this pain onto your loved ones just so someone else can share what you just went through. Proceed with extreme caution.

Movie Review: The LAST LOVECRAFT

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last lovecraft, theOutlaw Films
2009
NR

Jeff, a down on his luck office worker, finds out he is the last living relative of horror novelist H. P. Lovecraft. What he doesn’t know is that Lovecraft’s monsters are real and will soon threaten the very existence of mankind. Jeff and his best friend Charlie are forced to embark on a perilous adventure and they enlist the help of high school acquaintance Paul, a self-proclaimed Lovecraft specialist. Together the three unlikely heroes must protect an alien relic and prevent the release of an ancient evil known as Cthulhu.

I first came across The Last Lovecraft, subtitle Relic Of Cthulhu, on Netflix back in 2011. I recall watching about half before falling asleep. That had more to do with my level of exhaustion at the time than any kind of boredom with watching the movie. I didn’t wake up until the end credits were almost finished, and I didn’t really feel like going through the movie again. It was a few years after the fact that I got around to a rewatch. this time I managed ot stay awake for the entire run.

So, what we have with The Last Lovecraft is something of a dark comedy horror fantasy that has its black ichor-d heart in the right place, but kind of struggles the dismount. Being a fan of H. P. Lovecraft and his Cthulhu mythos, I wanted to really like this movie. It does have some interesting ideas going, and the main human characters are affable enough. But, where they really go wrong is the depiction of Starspawn and the Deep Ones themselves. They’re kinda goofy. But, then again that may have been due to budgetary restraints. Still, to see a general of Cthulhu wearing a hoodie and affecting a thug stance is…well, it doesn’t lend itself to awe and terror, really. The story is your standard Adventurer’s Journey that we’ve been through before, nothing too innovative with that.

Again, I really wanted to like The Last Lovecraft. I really did. But, even though I didn’t unlike the movie, it ended up being more “meh” than I hoped it would be. I’ll admit that it at least doesn’t try to insult anyone’s intelligence by trying to be something else. It’s worth a look, at least.

Movie Review: ATTACK OF THE PUPPET PEOPLE

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attack of the puppet peopleAmerican International Pictures
1958
NR

Mr. Franz is a kindly, old, silver-haired doll-maker…who turns people into living puppets! He forces his human inventions to put on parties and sing to him, but one day, tired of being toyed with, the puppets launch an attack, and suddenly Mr. Franz finds he’d better stop playing–and start praying–because these miniature moppets are hell-bent on revenge!

Okay, so, I wonder who wrote that back cover blurb on the DVD this movie is on. Did they even watch the movie when they were tasked to write out the description for use to draw people into watching this “amazing triumph of special effects” (also on the back cover blurb, but that part was superfluous to the review, here0, accuracy be darned to heck? I envy not their task; I doubt that any kind of hyperbole would have been sufficient to cover the fact that this is a movie that features no actual attacks from the titular puppet people. But, I’m getting ahead of myself, here.

Attack Of The Puppet People was a movie that was made by one of the more prominent names in B-Movie horror and sci-fi back in the 50s and 60s: Bert Gordon. He’s tied to the likes of The Amazing Colossal Man, The Beginning Of The End, and another movie I need to get around to reviewing, Village Of The Giants. Yeah, he seems to have a thing for big/small type special effects-laden movies.

Anyway, Attack Of The Puppet People involves the classic story of lonely widower doll maker who plies his trade by, shall we say, unconventional ways. By that, I mean he has a shrink ray, and he turns people and their various accessories fun-sized. it’s the same kind of technology Willy Wonka pioneered in making his T. V. Chocolate bars. As you may have guessed, he has a rather high turnover rate in secretaries for his business, because he has this habit of shrinking them for his collection. His best friend runs a marionette puppet theater, and he at the last part of the movie lends his living doll people for him to use in one of the shows, so that’s probably where the title of the movie comes from. Meantime, he enjoys making his living doll collection throw little parties and sing for him…songs about dolls, of course.

Here’s the thing, though. The movie doesn’t live up to the promise of the title, let alone that boisterous descriptive that was slapped on the back of the DVD release, there. I’m going to spoil this for you, here: There is no attack. The big climax is actually the tiny people distract him long enough to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow or whatever on the shrink ray to get back to actual size…and then they just leave while the old man begs them not to go and leave him all alone. The end.

No, I don’t think I was expecting too much from the movie. The title is Attack Of The Puppet People. I don’t care if they were technically doll-sized people; there was no attack. No sir, I hadn’t this kind of disappointed in false promises since I went to a “Rock Marathon” at the local mall as a kid, only to discover it was a bunch of college students rocking in rocking chairs as a fund raiser. There was carnage that day, let me tell you. I won’t be watching Attack Of The Puppet People again any time soon.

Movies + Beer: HELLBOY 2019

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MOVIES + BEERhellboy 2019

James is joined by Brian and Andrea at Sean O’ Casey’s, and discuss the new Hellboy reboot…among other things…

::END TRANSMISSION::

NSR: April 14, 2019

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Featuring Cuts From: A MARTYR’S OATH, ANIMA MORTUUM, FINAL PROPHECY, FINAL SURRENDER, HOLY BLOOD, I.N.R.I., NATTESORG, R.A.I.D., RAINFORCE, REVULSED, RITUAL SERVANT, SHADOW PUNCHER, UNBLACK METAL FIST, USYNLIG TUMULT, and XIII MINUTES…

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Featuring cuts from:

A MARTER'S OATH - 2019 - Ignorance Is WoeANIMA MORTUUM - 2019 - Goat Destructionfinal prophecy - reawakeningfinal surrender - fallen identitiesHOLY BLOOD - 2019 - Voice Of BloodINRI - religionnattesorg - lord of this worldraid - unbreakablerainforce - rock and rollrevulsed - into the pitritual servant - metallum evangeliishadow puncher - one path to the heavenly kingdomUNBLACK METAL FIST - Unepochusynlig tumult - voices of the windsxiii minutes - obsessed

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