songs that suck heading
dominick the donkey
Lou Monte
Roulette Records, 1960

At my age, I thought I had heard all of the annoying novelty Christmas songs that are trotted out every year. “Christmas Don’t Be Late” (aka The Chipmunk Song). “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”. “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas”. “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”. These are all songs that have been played ad nausium since I can remember. They’re songs that don’t necessarily make me want to hurt fluffy woodland creatures whenever I come across them–as a matter of fact, sometimes it just doesn’t seem like Christmas until I hear one of those songs. However, there appears to be one Christmas song that has managed to escape my notice in all the 40+ years of existence: “Dominick The Donkey”.

There I was, in one of the half-dozen Cost Cutters salons that populate the town of Fremont, Nebraska, about to get my shaggy mane trimmed, when this song came on the piped-in overhead music. I sat, transfixed, at how annoying and yet herpes-like catchy this song was. Moreso at the fact that this song seemed to be about a donkey (duh) that helps Santa get some toys to children in Italy, because Santa’s reindeer seem to have trouble climbing the Italian mountains. Correct me if I’m wrong, but…can’t his reindeer fly? This is a tremendous stretch to attempt an endearing Christmas classic, and I believe I hate this song. Maybe I have heard this song before, and my brain just immediately blanked it out of my memory in an adorable attempt to prevent madness and insanity. But thanks to my need to look neat and tidy, I now have this song haunting my Yuletide nightmares.