Pointless Brain Droppings (May 17, 2018)

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negasonic teenage warheadNegasonic Teenage Warhead.

She of the two Deadpool movies. She’s also in the comic books, I’m told. Interesting character. One question that nags me, though:

What is she going to be called when she turns 20?

She wouldn’t technically be a Teenage Warhead any longer. Would it be Negasonic Warhead? Or just streamline it to just Warhead? I’d go for the latter, actually.

In hindsight, choosing to use the word “Teenage” in the name may have been a bit shortsighted. Like with New Kids On The Block, or Backstreet Boys. Sooner or later, they’re all going to have to give up and admit to the passage of time rendering those edgy monikers null and void.

Besides, life really does begin at 30, guys. This whole “teenage” thing was what you would call overrated.

::END TRANSMISSION::

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Nightmare…

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nightmareLast night I was attacked. In my sleep, again. I had a very oppressive dream involving being in a dark, dank dilapidated house, watching television with someone I didn’t know but seemed to have struck up a friendship with. Then said person took me down to the basement of the house, which was much more dank and dark and foreboding than the main floor. There was a pile of several pieces from various G. I. Joe action figures (not the dolls, but the smaller action figures sold in the 1980s and 90s), and suggested what would be really, really fun would be to create new men out of these pieces. So, I began putting some together, while the guy slipped into the shadows. I stood up, went looking for him; he tried to go invisible, but I was able to see him despite the subterfuge, which is when he began shrieking and taking on a look more of Golum from the Lord of the Rings. I grabbed hold of him in a bear hug from behind, and began rebuking him in the name of Jesus, which lead to him deforming into some kind of blob-like thing, before melting completely into the floor. I then woke up, feeling like some kind of heavy, hot wool blanket was pulled from me. It was 2:10am. I then began wondering if Nick or anyone from the congregation experienced anything like that as well, or if it was just me…

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Space is warped and time is bendable…

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space is warped and time is bendableSunday mourning. I appear to have lost an hour of time overnight. I’ve checked the couch cushions, but the hour wasn’t there. It was there when I went to bed, but when I woke up, all gone.

I know I’m missing an hour, because the clocks all say it’s 7am, but everything acts like it’s 6am. Have we all experienced a skip in time? This seems to happen every year; there’s a time skip, then later — several months later — it corrects itself.

Theory: Time is unraveling exponentially. Which would explain why time seems to be going faster than it did when I was a young boy. Is there a wormhole causing the population to time travel? And if so, why isn’t Phoenix affected? Are they situated on an anomaly of some sort?

Whatever it is, it seems to be stable and predictable enough as to be able to warn everyone about the skip a week or so in advance.

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Like A Cat On A Leash…

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cat on a leashBetween the ages of four and five, my family was living in Iceland at the Keflavik Naval base. One afternoon, my dad came back home with a cat that he said was rescued from an abandoned car, and became our family pet. This cat didn’t like me too much, because–for reasons logical to my five-year-old mind at the time–I would always try to walk the cat like a dog. I would tie a belt around her neck and try to go for a walk with the poor thing. Of course, that cat wasn’t having any of it, and would do the passive-resistance thing by laying on her side and not moving while I tried dragging her along, urging to just walk instead of being dragged. It’s a miracle I didn’t inadvertently choke the poor thing to death.

Again, I was five. I didn’t know any better. My parents did punish me when they caught me doing it. Please keep the threats to my life to a minimum, they do get boorish after a while. Anyway…

I bring up this trip down amnesia lane for the purpose of illustrating another bit of truth about my daily wanderings in this post-Evangelical wilderness of mine: my flesh just doesn’t want to cooperate. Since endeavoring to become a disciple of Jesus Christ and not merely a follower (there is a difference; perhaps one day I will finally write about that as well…on the list it goes), and letting the Holy Spirit do His thing with the sanctification process that will be going on until the day I go Home, my flesh isn’t very happy about it.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.– Galatians 5:24-25

The thing about crucifixion as a means of execution is, it’s not the most efficient or even humanitarian way of being put to death. It could take hours, days, even weeks for the condemned person to finally die. In the meantime, it’s a very painful, very horrendous and slowly antagonizing death. The metaphor is very apt, as my flesh is slowly dying, being put to death by the Holy Spirit’s work of sanctification on me, and it knows it’s dying. It can feel the death processes very clearly. And it’s not going to go without a fight.

Basically, when my flesh can’t get what it wants, when it feels it’s being dragged along by the Holy Spirit upon the leash that ties it to me, it does what the cat in Iceland did: it tries to make the process as rough as possible by laying down and dragging along. I want to follow the Holy Spirit, but my progress is being hindered by this dead weight not wanting to comply.

But, I seem to be in good company with this struggle. As the same guy who wrote the words in Galatians, also wrote this in Romans:

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!– Romans 7:21-25

So, here I am, wanting to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance, but being bogged down by my flesh more often than not. I despair, but then I remember that the Apostle Paul himself struggled with the same thing. And if one of the greatest followers of Jesus Christ had trouble, what makes me think I’m going to get to the end of this path I follow unscathed?

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My Dark Night of the Soul: Wretched

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dark night of the soulWords cannot express at how consistently amazed I am at the constant flow of grace and mercy that Father God gives me, despite my constant failings at striving to “be holy like He is holy”. My mouth says one thing, my mind knows what I should do, but I end up doing the opposite anyway. I am a wretch, my sinful self amplified, making me hyperaware of my state of wretchedness. But, that’s actually a good sign, as the Holy Spirit that dwells in me illuminates things, allowing not only His sanctification to progress, but shining also on the fact that it’s only the grace and mercy that flows over my by what Jesus Christ provided on the cross that gives me hope and joy.

I curse my wretched flesh, but I know it’s mortifying. The Holy Spirit continues its work in me, despite this dark night of my soul. I praise You, Father God, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit…

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CHRISTIAN PICKUP LINES (With Snarky Commentary)

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valentines daySo, today is a special day. It just so happens to be Valentine’s Day, as well as Ash Wednesday. And what better way to celebrate not only the manufactured “holiday of love” but also kick off the Lent season, by looking up some truly bad Christian pick-up lines? With some added commentary by your Uncle NecRo, because I care so much…

  • You float my ark.

…as euphemisms go, that one is pretty lame. Also, ew.

  • Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives…because he never met you.

…also, he’s been dead for a few thousand years.

  • Is it hot in here, or is that just the Holy Spirit burning inside of you?

…I imagine this one is usually followed by several minutes of awkward silence as she stares a hole into his forehead.

  • So last night I was reading in the book of Numbers, and I realized…I don’t have yours!

…try as I might, I cannot follow the logic that came to this conclusion.

  • I didnt believe in predestination until I met you tonight.

…ironically, the lady that just turned this man into an unwavering Calvinist was an Arminian.

  • The Word says ‘Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry’…how about dinner?

…why do I get the feeling he’s going to treat her to Chick-Fil-A if she does agree?

  • My spiritual gift is my good looks…it lifts people’s spirits.

…charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30. Mic drop.

  • I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was mission you.

…also, I was chewed up by sand fleas, and seagulls kept dropping fish on me.

  • Is this the transfiguration? Because you are glowing.

…followed immediately with, “OW, OW, MY EYES!”

  • I put the “stud” in Bible Study.

…what a coincidence, because I happen to put the “fun” in funeral.

  • I’m not Joseph…perhaps you can help me interpreting the dreams I’ve been having about you?

…well, the restraining order represents the restraining order I’m taking out against you.

  • As Christians, shouldn’t we honor all Scripture? Let’s start with 2 Corinthians 13:12.

…or, how about 1 Timothy 5:1b-2?

  • Let me sell you an indulgence because it’s a sin to look as good as you do.

…I presume that the lady in question immediately nailed a copy of Luther’s 95 Thesis to the gentlemen’s forehead after that?

  • Do you need prayer? Because I’m certainly willing to lay hands on you.

…I’m willing to bet that this guy has known the fluoride sting of pepper spray more than once in his life.

  • You are perfect, except with all the sin.

…I’ve got nothing for this one. Just…wow.

  • Wanna come over and watch Left Behind?

…are we talking the original, or the Nicholas Cage remake? Because there’s only one I’d say “yes” to, personally.

  • You… complete me. That is, after Jesus completes me. You’re like the gluten in my communion bread.

…wow. A Jerry McGuire quote, a Jesus Juke, and comparison to food in one awkward shot. Truly a man after God’s own heart, here, ladies.

  • I have familiarized myself with all 5 love languages, in fact, I invented 4 of them.

…and I’m willing to bet she’s about to come up with a sixth language all together.

  • I’d marry Leah if it meant I’d also get to marry you.

…because every woman dreams of the day when the man who married your sister out of dubious trickery will make them his second wife. Maybe they can get a reality show out of the deal.

  • Don’t walk away, babe. You may not think I’m perfect but Jesus thinks I’m to die for.

…well, at least there’s that.

::END TRANSMISSION::

From The FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS Files…

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boston market closedSo, late Saturday afternoon, I was given a bit of a shock to the system. I was coming from my normal Lunch + Writing session, which took me to about 4pm or so, as a couple of friends showed up and hung out for a bit. I decided to pick up some din-din at the Boston Market that was on 114th, just north of Dodge street in Omaha. It hadn’t been all that long since I indulged in a half rotisserie, with some mac n’ cheese and sweet corn on the side. Don’t forget the corn bread. The ambrosia that is their corn bread.

As you can imagine, I was really getting myself excited about this on the drive there. But, alas, when I arrived at the destination, the Boston Market was closed. Not just a CLOSED sign, but a big lettered sign that stated that, as of 1:00pm of whatever day they closed shop, they were no longer in business. Not moving to a different location. CLOSED. Forever. The big sign on the pole out front, the big Boston Market signs on the sides of the roof removed, leaving only the discoloring on the paneling as a reminder of what it once was. Even the drive-thru stand was removed.

The only Boston Market in Omaha is now gone. Like my innocence.

I’ve only just discovered the goodness that was the Boston Market about a year and a few months ago, around October of 2016. My main thing to get was the half rotisserie, with two sides, usually the mac n’ cheese and the sweet corn. Once I got the rice in place of the corn. But, that doesn’t matter now, does it?

I do not know what may have caused this location to close. It was maybe a month or so ago since I had my last meal from there. Always drive-thru, taken to my dwelling place to enjoy. Always on a Friday. Never every week, just sometimes, when the craving hits. Now, I don’t have the foggiest where I’m going to get my rotisserie chicken fix. This was one-of-a-kind goodness that I may never get the chance to experience again.

Farewell, sweet purveyor of roasted chicken. Ye shall be missed, verily.

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