Movie Review: SPECIAL DEAD

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Special Dead DVD CoverLazy Ghost Films
2006
NR

“Ya ever ride a zombie horse, boy? I have, and it ain’t no fun.”

When a zombie plague infects Camp Special Dude, a dude ranch for the mentally handicapped, a ragtag band of campers and counselors struggles to survive the night. Led by the indifferent, nunchuck-wielding head counselor, Mae Stone, and his wheelchair-bound sister Dale, the unlikely heroes fight their way off the mountain as, one by one, they’re picked off and join the ranks of the walking dead. It’s a campy stampede of blood, boobs and gore as some “very special” people show that they can kick some serious undead ass.

You know, I may not be going to Hell when I die, but I’m pretty sure that I’ll be receiving some pretty stern looks when this thing comes up in my Afterlife Performance Review. Special Dead is just…wrong. On so many levels. Never mind the fact this this is another in a glut of shoddily made no-budget horror movies. I’ve seen plenty of those, and I’m sure I’ll be seeing plenty more in the future, on account of I hate myself. No, this one not only hits all of the halmarks–the bad makeup jobs, the horrible acting, the cheesecloth-thin story, the gratuitous exploitation–but the biggest thing that I’m pretty sure gets massive frowny points is the mentally handicapped angle. It’s more of an uncomfortable because bad actors are pretending to be mentally handicapped than anything else. So, basically, you have your standard pain from watching a bad no-budget zombie flick, but then as an added bonus you throw in an angle that even Lloyd Kaufman would think was crossing the line.

So basically, I just took a bullet of shame for everyone by watching this, so you don’t have to. Pass this one up. Just by the title alone, you should know this, but just in case you need some reinforcement of the notion, here it is. Pass.

Movie Review: DORM OF THE DEAD

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Dorm Of The DeadStratosphere Entertainment
2006
R

Oh, boy, was this a horrible film to have to sit through. It was only an hour and seventeen minutes, and it still felt like an eternity. Look, I’m no stranger to the whole shot-on-video, no-budget and no-talent horror movies. They hold a special place in my darkened heart, really. But Dorm Of The Dead is such a badly executed derivative piece of dreck that I found myself cringing much, much more than giggling at any unintentional humor this may have given me. If you must know about the plot itself, it follows a college professor that develops a zombie serum to deal with a student he was having an affair with, and then things get out of control. This is as far as I’m willing to go, lest I once again go into convulsions from the flashback memories that ensue.

Horrible non-acting, less-than-amateur-level filming and editing, a story that has more padding than Weird Al’s costume in the “Fat” video, and nudity so gratuitous you would almost suspect some kind of ulterior┬ámotive to making a zombie flick in the first place.

There. I watched the movie. Now you don’t have to. Pass this one up.