Uncle NecRo’s TOP 1O LEAST FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONGS

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bah-humbugWe are now in full Holiday Clusterbomb Season, and now the Christmas songs are nigh-unavoidable. Here I am, sitting in my favorite Irish pub, listening to the Christmas mix playing overhead from the owner’s Spotify account, and since I have nothing better to write about at the moment, I thought I’d share with all of you wonderful freaks of mine my least favorite Christmas songs that I always stumble upon, despite my best efforts to block out the real world.

I kept things down to a cozy ten-ish, because I have to have something for next year…

10. “Happy Christmas”
…as an artist, John Lennon was overrated, as was that group he was in, the name of which escapes me at the moment. This particular Christmas song of his manages to be a smug passive aggressive lump of coal.

9. “Baby It’s Cold Outside”
…I think that, by now, everyone who hears this overplayed tune can recognize it for the creepy date rape-y song it is. I used to think nothing of it, kind of regulating it to barely noticed background noise, until someone said something about the lyrics, and now I can’t not hear it.

8. “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”
…this song was funny the first 500 or so times I heard it. I was also 10 when that happened. While I am fascinated by how long this ode to Seasonal Matricide has survived since being first released, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t roll my eyes and sigh whenever this comes on.

7. “Feliz Navidad”
…NO. Just…NO. I’ve never liked this song, I will cross my arms and give you Extreme Grumpy Face if you try and get me to sing along to it, and I find it a pity that it’s normally associated with the greatest Christmas-themed foodstuff ever concocted, Nachos Navidad from Taco John’s. Gad’s those are tasty.

6. “Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time”
…as much as I snarkily deride John Lennon, at least he wasn’t Paul McCartney. I can’t really think of a song of his that doesn’t suck the life force out of me when it begins playing. And this Christmas ditty is the equivalent of one of those glossy custom Christmas photo postcards, only in song form.

5. “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
…okay, let’s look past the fact that this is yet another smarmy star-studded guilt trip disguised as “social awareness” (the 80s was lousy with them); the children being referenced here technically live in a Muslim country, so even if they did know it was Christmas, chances are they wouldn’t be celebrating it anyway.

4. “Christmas Shoes”
…so, I finally forced myself to listen to this song, having been able to avoid doing so for all this time. And I have to say, how do you people live with yourselves? Why would you all think “Christmas Shoes” is a modern classic, when all it is is a nauseating fluff piece based on the doctrine of Sola Feels? I will admit, though, that I like to imagine the mother in this story, with her final dying breath, telling her child, “I wanted a necklace,” before dying. Followed by the standard “Wah-wah-waaaaaaah” trombone.

3. “Mary Did You Know?”
…speaking of overplayed so-called modern “classics”, I’m not content to just turn the channel on the radio whenever this one comes on, but I must go beyond that and turn off the power to said device all together, then smash it with a hammer and burn the pieces, for it was rendered unclean and had to be purged.

2. “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas”
…I want to stab this song repeatedly with several large sharpened candy cane shivs, set the corpse on fire, and roast chestnuts over it whilst drinking eggnog.

1. [TIE] “Chipmunks Christmas Song”/”All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”
…I couldn’t decide which one of these old novelty songs were more annoying, so I decided to end with a tie. Released back when my own parents were wee children, these two songs are always trotted out and played ad nausium on all radio stations doing a Christmas mix for the season. Mind you, they’re only marginally worse to listen to than the Number 2 spot on this list, but somehow I get extra twitchy whenever these come on, and I find myself diving for the OFF switch on whatever device they’re emanating from.

So, there it is. The songs that make me more of a Scrooge whenever they pop up. There will be more for next year, I’m sure. In the meantime, feel free to send your thinly-veiled hate mail to necrosarx@gmail.com. Cheers, all, and Merry Christmas, if I don’t get around to posting another thing until the end of the year.

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Article: MY TOP TEN FAVORITE “WEIRD AL” ORIGINALS

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weird al yankovicHaving been a fan of “Weird Al” Yankovic since that fateful afternoon at 4-H Camp in 1985 (the song “Like A Surgeon” was playing in the boom box while I was busy making drip candles), it stands to reason that I’ve amassed quite a collection of favorites from his rather extensive collection over the decades. And while most casual “normal” people would dismiss him as merely “that guy who does music parodies”, Weird Al has also been doing a goodly amount of original content since his first album back in 1983. Considering this, I thought I’d share with all of you tender readers my Top 10 Favorite “Weird Al” originals:

1. “I’ll Be Mellow When I’m Dead” (from “Weird Al” Yankovic)

Kind of a punk song for the accordion. It’s also one of the songs I have legally binding to have played at my own funeral. Which is soon, I hope.

2. “Albuquerque” (from Running With Scissors)

Written as a song that Weird Al admitted to be an attempt to annoy the listener for twelve minutes and put on the tail-end of the album it was released on, it instead had the opposite effect, and is an oft-listened to and requested fan favorite, despite being a spectacularly whimsical mess.

3. “U. H. F.” (from U. H. F. – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack And Other Stuff)

I’ll be straight forward with this: I didn’t like the title song from the greatest movie ever made: U. H. F. Over the years, though, it’s grown on me. Much like a fungus. And now it’s one I tend to crank whenever it comes around on my player.

4. “Hardware Store” (from Poodle Hat)

I listen to this, and I continue to be in awe at the layers of complex intricacies that was put in this song. This one is proof of the artist’s Brian Wilson-level of musical genius.

5. “Don’t Download This Song” (from Straight Outta Lynwood)

Mmmmmm, that’s good satire…

6. “Happy Birthday” (from “Weird Al” Yankovic)

Ever since hearing this song from the debut album that I got back when I was 12…or maybe it was 11, I can’t recall exactly…I’ve had this song played as my official birthday greeting. It matches my sense of humor perfectly.

7. “Christmas At Ground Zero” (from Polka Party!)

And like “Happy Birthday”, this is the only song I ever voluntarily play around Christmas, otherwise known as the Darkest Day of the Year.

8. “Trigger Happy” (from Off The Deep End)

It’s a peppy, Beach Boys style fun song about shooting people. What’s not to love?

9. “Truck Drivin’ Song” (from Running With Scissors)

I so very much want to perform this song if I’m ever conned into doing a Karaoke thing…which will never happen. I’m indifferent about it.

10. “Mr. Frump In The Iron Lung” (from “Weird Al” Yankovic)

I think it might have been a red flag as far as my type of sense of humor is when, as a tween, I found this song hilarious instead of being appalled, like my mother was.

So, that was my ten favorite original “Weird Al” songs. There are others, but I really don’t feel like filling in an “Honorable Mentions” list at this moment. Perhaps a second Top Ten list at a later time. We’ll see. Cheers, all.

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HALLOWEEN’ING 2015: Day 29 – Revenge of the Top Ten Favorite Halloween Mix Songs

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HALLOWEEN'ING 2015Okay, so we’re getting close to the big day, and you’re still wondering what kind of mix to throw on for your party. Might I suggest first checking out my original playlist post from 2014. Beyond that, if you’re still wanting more, I provide for you now the sequel to that post, Revenge of the Top Ten Favorite Halloween Mix Songs! Thunder, lightning, and maniacal laughter is inserted here…

“Bark At The Moon” (Ozzy Osbourne)

The title track from Ozzy’s third release, “Bark At The Moon” tells the tale of a creature that once terrorized a town, killed, and then got better. The video is like a mini-Hammer horror flick, borrowing heavily from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. What other reason do you need to include this one?

“Halloween Theme” (John Carpenter)

The melody to this theme to Carpenter’s legendary Halloween franchise is simple, effective, and classic. Carpenter composed it on a piano, a simple melody that burned itself into the psyche of American culture. This needs to be included, definitely.

“Carmina Burana: Introduction” (Carl Orff)

I first came across this piece on the soundtrack to the movie The Doors. While I could take or leave classical music at the time, this piece of music actually hit me with its dark choral setup. This is actually part of a catana based on a bunch of medieval poems that was composed in the early 20th Century…but this is probably the most famous bit that everyone knows.

“(Every Day Is) Halloween” (Ministry)

Of course, I would include this in the mix. Because everybody else does. Seriously, I’ve seen this song featured on so many Gothic-themed collections that I’m pretty sure there’s an unwritten rule that this must be issued to you in some kind of welcome package when you decide to embrace the darkness. Also, it has the word “Halloween” in the title, so there’s that.

“This Corrosion” (Sisters Of Mercy)

Dark, atmospheric, and with a nice jaunty beat so you can dance to it. Also, one of my favorite Sisters Of Mercy songs.

“Dead Souls” (Joy Division)

The version of this song that I first heard was the Nine Inch Nails cover that was featured on The Crow soundtrack. I happened to choose the original Joy Division version on here because, well, you got to show love to the forefathers and all.

“Bela Lugosi’s Dead” (Bauhaus)

Okay, let’s do the checklist, shall we? Post-punk godfathers of the whole Goth movement in the 1980s? Check. Song about the actor who made the physical embodiment of Dracula iconic? Check. Tremendously atmospheric music that’s best heard in darkness lit by flickering candles? Check. Yep, on the list.

“This Maniac’s In Love With You” (Alice Cooper)

I loves me some Alice Cooper. He has such a rich library of Halloween fun to pick from. Usually my personal mixes involves ALL of the Alice Cooper. But in this case, I went with this cut from the 1989 release Trash. It’s a very jaunty and disturbing piece. And also, I’ve already used “Feed My Frankenstein” on last year’s list, so there’s that.

“Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-All)” (Type O Negative)

What would a Halloween playlist be without something from Type O Negative? Safe, that’s what. And who wants safe? Nobody on this blog, that’s for certain.

“Mr. Scary” (Dokken)

If you’re up on both your horror movies as well as the hair metal from the 1980s, you’re probably be thinking to yourself, “why didn’t he chose “Dream Warriors” from that album?” And I wouldn’t fault you for thinking that. I mean, that song was featured on the Nightmare On Elm Street 3 soundtrack. But, I went with my favorite cut from the beyond excellent Back For The Attack release, the guitar instrumental “Mr. Scary”. Why? Because it’s awesome. And it has the word “Scary” in the title. It was a natural choice.

So, there we are. Another ten choices for your Halloween mix. Will there be another one next year? We’ll just have to wait and see. Until then, enjoy.

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Top 10 Signs Your Amish Teenager Is In Trouble

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10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 a.m.

9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets

8. Shows up at barn raisings in full KISS makeup

7. When you criticize him, he yells “Thou sucketh!”

6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy”

5. Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap.”

4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks

3. He uses the expression “Talk to the hand, ’cause the beard ain’t listening.”

2. Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese

1. He’s wearing his big black hat backwards

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HALLOWEEN’ING 2014: Day 1 – Top Ten Favorite Halloween Mix Songs

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dj_frankIt’s October 1st, and that means it’s time to begin reminiscing about my most favorite time of the year: HALLOWEEN! Tonight (as it is always night inside my head) I shall kick off the festivities by listing the Top Ten songs that are always inside whatever Halloween playlist I whip up every year. I’m sure some of you who know your Uncle NecRo well enough won’t be surprised in the least. Ready? Here we go, then…

– “This Is Halloween” (Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack)

…of course, I would think of this song first. It’s the opening salvo to one of the bestest bi-holiday movies ever made: The Nightmare Before Christmas. And this song puts everything I love about Halloween into perspective in a short few minutes.

– “Stigmata Martyr” (Bauhaus)

…I first heard this song when I first watched the original Night of the Demons back in 1991. It was the scene where Angela starts dancing with a strobe light, this song playing and lending a dark foreboding atmosphere to the scene. The song by itself is bloody brilliant.

– “Call Of Ktulu” (Metallica)

…the last song off of the band’s second album, “The Call Of Ktulu” is an instrumental that packs a lot of dread and atmosphere. It’s like a heavy metal “Night On Bald Mountain”, only instead of summoning the devil in Fantasia, I can totally imagine this as the official soundtrack to the Great Old One rising from the depths of R’lyeh.

– “Feed My Frankenstein” (Alice Cooper)

…of course, I could have picked any one of Saint Alice’s songs to include on here, but for some reason, when I think of Halloween I immediately think of this song off of 1991’s Hey Stoopid. I decided to go with the non-Wayne’s World version of the video. You’re welcome.

– “Black Sabbath” (Black Sabbath)

…do I even need to explain why? The opening sound of rain and a bell tolling in the distance, the opening tri-tone doomy guitar riff that blasts you out of whatever slumber you’re in, Ozzy’s desperate sounding vocals, the song itself about a guy chosen to be a human sacrifice to Satan…the only thing more darker and perfect than this song is the remake by Type O Negative on the Black Sabbath tribute album, and the only reason why I didn’t include that one is because…

– “Haunted” (Type O Negative)

…yep. Heavy, atmospheric, able to make the very skin you possess break out in clammy goosebumps.

– “House Of 1000 Corpses (Rob Zombie)

…wondering why I didn’t just stick the entire discography of Rob Zombie on here? Why did I go for this one and not more popular cuts? Same reason I have everything else on this list: Atmosphere. And this title track to the Rob Zombie movie of the same name doesn’t just hit you with a constant barrage of heavy metal horror; it’s a slow burn, mostly acoustic ditty that is much more creepy overall.

– “Burn” (The Cure)

…from The Crow soundtrack, this is a song I can put on repeat, stick in my earbuds, turn off all the lights and lose myself in the void of darkness to. Couple that with Jack O’Lanterns with flickering flames, and my skull collection, and you’ve got some fantastic ambiance going.

– “Undertaker Theme” (WWE)

…being something of a Pro Wrestling geek back in the day, The Undertaker still remains one of my favorite wrestlers, and this theme song of his, no matter which variation (except the “American Badass” eras–those don’t exist in my world), is perfect intro music to any Halloween mix, in my estimation.

– “Thriller” (Michael Jackson)

…I know you probably saw this coming, but what can I say? Ever since I first heard this song when I was a wee lad of 7, hypnotically transfixed by the music, and then Vincent Price’s mesmerizing monologue at the end, it just isn’t a Halloween mix without this song added in somewhere.

So, there you go. There are others that are staples in my Halloween Playlist, but these are the Top Ten that always find their way permanently into the mix. Feel free to mention some of your own Halloween go-to songs in the comments, there. Interaction is always nifty. Cheers.

Honorable Mentions: “Burn In Hell” (Twisted Sister), “Nightmare On My Street” (DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince), “Night Of The Vampire” (Grim Reaper), “Mr. Cowley” (Ozzy Osbourne)

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TOP TEN: Guilty Pleasures (Hair Metal Edition)

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…and now, to lighten up the mood, I present to you something that was inspired a few days ago by a friend’s post on Facebook. Here is:

 Uncle NecRo’s TOP TEN GUILTY PLEASURES: Hair Metal Edition 

10) “Bang Your Head (Metal Health)” (Quiet Riot)


…and at Number 10, we start off with what is arguably the song that helped usher in the so-called “Hair Metal Movement”. Yeah, it’s big, it’s beefy, and it tends to get cranked whenever it comes on the radio, or the MP3 player, and the fist gets pumping along with the chorus.


9) “Hey Stoopid” (Alice Cooper)


…okay, technically Alice Cooper is “shock rock”, but back in the late ’80s and the first part of the ’90s, he was firmly ensconsed in the commercial hair metal style. And the video to the title track from 1991 has all the trappings. Great song.

 8) “Round And Round” (Ratt)


…pure L. A. sleeze, with a fantastic hook and dripping machismo. Almost makes you overlook the late, great Milton Berle in drag. And I do believe that butler is much more METAL than this video deserves.

 7) “Here I Go Again” (Whitesnake)


…another band that never started out as a hair metal act, per se, David Coverdale regardless tried to bring his flagship band Whitesnake into that trend with the self-titled 1986 album, and this reworking of their song “Here I Go Again”. Yeah, it was all over the place in junior high.

 6) “Up All Night” (Slaughter)


…this is a song that just begs to be cranked, while cruising around at night in your car with the windows rolled down. Never mind that it’s the dead of winter, and the only two people out at that time are you and maybe the county Deputy.

5) “Smokin’ In The Boy’s Room” (Motley Crue)


…sure, there are more in the Crue’s song list that I could have chosen from, but it’s this cover song off of their third studio album that is the true, hands-down hair metal guilty pleasure here. And the video is just as cheese-a-riffic fun as the song, too. And yes, that’s the guy from the original The Hills Have Eyes movie.

 4) “Pour Some Sugar On Me” (Def Leppard)


…it’s a shame that all that’s played nowadays is this “Video Remix” version of the song; the album version is what I prefer. Ah, well. Whatever version, the intro always gets me scrambling to crank the volume. Never mind that the lyrics make no logical sense. Actually, that would be the perfect metaphor for the 80s all together, come to think of it.

3) “You Give Love A Bad Name” (Bon Jovi)


…the first few months of my seventh grade year, and Top 40 radio ushered in Bon Jovi’s finest hour with this first of many singles off of Slippery When Wet. I dare you to try and not sing along with this.

2) “Nothin’ But A Good Time” (Poison)


…and in the end, isn’t what these songs are all about? *ahem* You know, for a band that was mostly gimmick and barely talent, this tune from probably their only actual somewhat decent album pretty much nailed the near-perfect party anthem. And who doesn’t want to have Poison rocking outside your place of employment, whenever you kick the back door open in frustration…or for a smoke break.

1) “The Final Countdown” (Europe)


…admit it. Every time this song comes on, you immediately begin singing along. Or at least lip syncing to it. Once that opening synth riff kicks in, this audio herpes will be stuck in your head for DAYS, leaving you a whimpering mess. You’re singing along to the video clip right now, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU?!? I know I am…

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