Seems Pretty Apt, Really…

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Saw this, and it made root beer come out of my nose. Thinking it’s pretty apt, considering the current political climate and all…

how the world really ends



Space is warped and time is bendable…

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space is warped and time is bendableSunday mourning. I appear to have lost an hour of time overnight. I’ve checked the couch cushions, but the hour wasn’t there. It was there when I went to bed, but when I woke up, all gone.

I know I’m missing an hour, because the clocks all say it’s 7am, but everything acts like it’s 6am. Have we all experienced a skip in time? This seems to happen every year; there’s a time skip, then later — several months later — it corrects itself.

Theory: Time is unraveling exponentially. Which would explain why time seems to be going faster than it did when I was a young boy. Is there a wormhole causing the population to time travel? And if so, why isn’t Phoenix affected? Are they situated on an anomaly of some sort?

Whatever it is, it seems to be stable and predictable enough as to be able to warn everyone about the skip a week or so in advance.


Like A Cat On A Leash…

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cat on a leashBetween the ages of four and five, my family was living in Iceland at the Keflavik Naval base. One afternoon, my dad came back home with a cat that he said was rescued from an abandoned car, and became our family pet. This cat didn’t like me too much, because–for reasons logical to my five-year-old mind at the time–I would always try to walk the cat like a dog. I would tie a belt around her neck and try to go for a walk with the poor thing. Of course, that cat wasn’t having any of it, and would do the passive-resistance thing by laying on her side and not moving while I tried dragging her along, urging to just walk instead of being dragged. It’s a miracle I didn’t inadvertently choke the poor thing to death.

Again, I was five. I didn’t know any better. My parents did punish me when they caught me doing it. Please keep the threats to my life to a minimum, they do get boorish after a while. Anyway…

I bring up this trip down amnesia lane for the purpose of illustrating another bit of truth about my daily wanderings in this post-Evangelical wilderness of mine: my flesh just doesn’t want to cooperate. Since endeavoring to become a disciple of Jesus Christ and not merely a follower (there is a difference; perhaps one day I will finally write about that as well…on the list it goes), and letting the Holy Spirit do His thing with the sanctification process that will be going on until the day I go Home, my flesh isn’t very happy about it.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.– Galatians 5:24-25

The thing about crucifixion as a means of execution is, it’s not the most efficient or even humanitarian way of being put to death. It could take hours, days, even weeks for the condemned person to finally die. In the meantime, it’s a very painful, very horrendous and slowly antagonizing death. The metaphor is very apt, as my flesh is slowly dying, being put to death by the Holy Spirit’s work of sanctification on me, and it knows it’s dying. It can feel the death processes very clearly. And it’s not going to go without a fight.

Basically, when my flesh can’t get what it wants, when it feels it’s being dragged along by the Holy Spirit upon the leash that ties it to me, it does what the cat in Iceland did: it tries to make the process as rough as possible by laying down and dragging along. I want to follow the Holy Spirit, but my progress is being hindered by this dead weight not wanting to comply.

But, I seem to be in good company with this struggle. As the same guy who wrote the words in Galatians, also wrote this in Romans:

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!– Romans 7:21-25

So, here I am, wanting to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance, but being bogged down by my flesh more often than not. I despair, but then I remember that the Apostle Paul himself struggled with the same thing. And if one of the greatest followers of Jesus Christ had trouble, what makes me think I’m going to get to the end of this path I follow unscathed?


My Dark Night of the Soul: Wretched

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dark night of the soulWords cannot express at how consistently amazed I am at the constant flow of grace and mercy that Father God gives me, despite my constant failings at striving to “be holy like He is holy”. My mouth says one thing, my mind knows what I should do, but I end up doing the opposite anyway. I am a wretch, my sinful self amplified, making me hyperaware of my state of wretchedness. But, that’s actually a good sign, as the Holy Spirit that dwells in me illuminates things, allowing not only His sanctification to progress, but shining also on the fact that it’s only the grace and mercy that flows over my by what Jesus Christ provided on the cross that gives me hope and joy.

I curse my wretched flesh, but I know it’s mortifying. The Holy Spirit continues its work in me, despite this dark night of my soul. I praise You, Father God, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit…


CHRISTIAN PICKUP LINES (With Snarky Commentary)

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valentines daySo, today is a special day. It just so happens to be Valentine’s Day, as well as Ash Wednesday. And what better way to celebrate not only the manufactured “holiday of love” but also kick off the Lent season, by looking up some truly bad Christian pick-up lines? With some added commentary by your Uncle NecRo, because I care so much…

  • You float my ark.

…as euphemisms go, that one is pretty lame. Also, ew.

  • Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives…because he never met you.

…also, he’s been dead for a few thousand years.

  • Is it hot in here, or is that just the Holy Spirit burning inside of you?

…I imagine this one is usually followed by several minutes of awkward silence as she stares a hole into his forehead.

  • So last night I was reading in the book of Numbers, and I realized…I don’t have yours!

…try as I might, I cannot follow the logic that came to this conclusion.

  • I didnt believe in predestination until I met you tonight.

…ironically, the lady that just turned this man into an unwavering Calvinist was an Arminian.

  • The Word says ‘Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry’…how about dinner?

…why do I get the feeling he’s going to treat her to Chick-Fil-A if she does agree?

  • My spiritual gift is my good looks…it lifts people’s spirits.

…charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30. Mic drop.

  • I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was mission you.

…also, I was chewed up by sand fleas, and seagulls kept dropping fish on me.

  • Is this the transfiguration? Because you are glowing.

…followed immediately with, “OW, OW, MY EYES!”

  • I put the “stud” in Bible Study.

…what a coincidence, because I happen to put the “fun” in funeral.

  • I’m not Joseph…perhaps you can help me interpreting the dreams I’ve been having about you?

…well, the restraining order represents the restraining order I’m taking out against you.

  • As Christians, shouldn’t we honor all Scripture? Let’s start with 2 Corinthians 13:12.

…or, how about 1 Timothy 5:1b-2?

  • Let me sell you an indulgence because it’s a sin to look as good as you do.

…I presume that the lady in question immediately nailed a copy of Luther’s 95 Thesis to the gentlemen’s forehead after that?

  • Do you need prayer? Because I’m certainly willing to lay hands on you.

…I’m willing to bet that this guy has known the fluoride sting of pepper spray more than once in his life.

  • You are perfect, except with all the sin.

…I’ve got nothing for this one. Just…wow.

  • Wanna come over and watch Left Behind?

…are we talking the original, or the Nicholas Cage remake? Because there’s only one I’d say “yes” to, personally.

  • You… complete me. That is, after Jesus completes me. You’re like the gluten in my communion bread.

…wow. A Jerry McGuire quote, a Jesus Juke, and comparison to food in one awkward shot. Truly a man after God’s own heart, here, ladies.

  • I have familiarized myself with all 5 love languages, in fact, I invented 4 of them.

…and I’m willing to bet she’s about to come up with a sixth language all together.

  • I’d marry Leah if it meant I’d also get to marry you.

…because every woman dreams of the day when the man who married your sister out of dubious trickery will make them his second wife. Maybe they can get a reality show out of the deal.

  • Don’t walk away, babe. You may not think I’m perfect but Jesus thinks I’m to die for.

…well, at least there’s that.


This Is My Shocked And Appalled Face…

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Hey, everyone! Stryper is set to release a new album this April! Here’s the album title and artwork!

stryper - god damn evil

It’s the follow-up to 2015’s excellent Fallen, and is the first to feature their new bass player, former Firehouse member Perry Richardson (that hair, man).

Yeah…nobody cares about that part. What seems to have everyone talking is that title they went with. Lots and lots of people within the various Christian rock and metal pages on Facebook are up in arms, loosing their minds over this album title. They’ve gone too far! seems to be the rallying cry.

Seriously, you are all acting like Stryper’s never courted controversy before.

Now, let’s just say, for sake of argument, all of these people flipping out over the album title (that’s some rather awesome artwork, I want to point out) have just came into being Stryper fans in the last decade or so, and aren’t familiar with their work from the first decade of Stryper’s existence. You know, pulling the ol’ “It was from before I was born” excuse. So, let’s review, shall we? History lesson time, kiddos…

Let’s start with their very first release, The Yellow And Black Attack

yellow and black attack 86

No no no, not that one. That’s the 1986 re-released version Enigma put out after realizing Stryper could make them money. No, I’m talking about the original 1984 release…

yellow and black attack

You see that? A mysterious, glowing blue hand guiding a bunch of ballistic missiles toward a shiny blue, yellow and black Earth. Presumably, that’s the hand of God, pointing thataway, with the warheads bearing the band members’ initials. As controversy goes, this isn’t really that big, but I’m sure it raised its share of eyebrows once it hit the record shops.

But, that’s merely peanuts compared to the big controversy surrounding this album…

to hell with the devil 2

That’s actually the censored version of the album, as the original artwork caused conservative Christians everywhere to loose their collective heads and demand the cover be changed to a black finish with just the band logo and title. Do you know what that original artwork was? Brace yourself, for the offensive original cover art was this…

to hell with the devil

Yep. Four ripped and swole angels, presumably modeled after the band members, tossing the Devil into the abyss of Hell. Yeah, I don’t get what the problem was, either. And frankly, even as I wasn’t a Christian when this came out, I was a bit more dubious about an alleged Christian band using that kind of album title to begin with.

But, then again, nothing could prepare anyone for what was to come a few years later…

against the law

Hoo, boy, was this the one that kicked the proverbial hornet nest. Where to begin? Well, there’s the title, Against The Law, which made everyone assume they were in rebellion now; then there was the modified band logo, which did away with the Bible reference, that seemed to reinforce the assumption that the band was now GOING SECULAR and TURNING AWAY FROM THE FAITH! As if that wasn’t enough, the band photos showed them wearing more black and — *gasp* — growing facial hair and toning down the big hair! They were just one step away from joining the Church of Satan by now.

In the end, these were all merely knee-jerk reactions to superficial surface-level judgments. Personally, my only question to Stryper about their new release is this:

Will it come with a vinyl edition?


You Might Be An Evangelical If…

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[note: Ganked from The Wartburg Watch, you can read the entire article here]


  • You believe that hell is going to be populated by Catholics (except for Mel Gibson), the Clintons, Mormons (with a special dispensation for Glen Beck), the staff of the New York Times (all of them), Rosie O’Donnell, all of the people from the Mid Atlantic and Northeast coast and West coast (with a special hot spot for Hollywood), Brian McLaren, Rob Bell and all Liberals.
  • You think Kirk Cameron should get the academy award for best actor in Fireproof.
  • You think homoousios is a congressional bill for same-sex marriage.
  • You submitted to your wife on your vacation destination and feel guilty about it.
  • You don’t really have any idea what “Evangelical” means and you really don’t like to witness anyway.
  • You think the Great Commission is what you get if you join Amway.
  • Your church has a band that performs Christian contemporary songs which have seven words, repeated eleven times (aka, 7-11 Music).
  • You have no doubt that the best non-bibilical book ever published is Rick Warren’s “Purpose Driven Life”.
  • Your favorite Bible is the NIV Study Bible because you can quote from the footnotes and everyone things you are smart.
  • Your pastor preaches three point sermons and each point starts with the same letter and people get mad if the pastor runs over-time.
  • You think “expositional” is someone who doesn’t take a position on anything.
  • You’re not sure what TULIP stands for, but you know you’re against it because Holland is a liberal country.
  • Beth Moore studies can be substituted for Bible study.
  • You think Ellen DeGeneres is really funny but you would never tell your Bible study group.
  • You were really excited when the supermarket started carrying beer and wine because you were too embarrassed to go to the local liquor store because someone from church might see you. This way you can hide the six pack under the baby diapers.
  • If your pastor mentions the Puritans, you think of the Salem Witch Trials and think they were all nuts.
  • You hope that a couple of Duggar kids will run away and join Greenpeace.
  • You pretend you net tithe but the tithe is unbiblical anyway.


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