Update (Finally)…

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Hey, everybody, I know it’s been a while, but here’s what’s been going on for the past month or so:

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VINYL CONFESSIONS – 6/26/2019

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boston - don't look back
BOSTON – Don’t Look Back
The second of two of the good Boston albums. Also, you may note that this, along with other acquisitions I made the same day I got this, has the year this was released written on the front cover with a marker. Whoever decided this was a good idea, SHAME ON YOU.
duran duran - arena
DURAN DURAN – Arena
Back when I got this originally on cassette in the mid-80s, this was (and still is, really) the only way I could experience one of my all-time favorite non-metal bands live. The vinyl I came across had a booklette insert in a gatefold cover. Nifty…
billy idol - rebel yell
BILLY IDOL – Rebel Yell
I remember reading about the recording of this particular album in one of the teeny-bopper mags that I was reading in grade school, and being introduced for the first time to the pop artist with a punk attitude known as Billy Idol. Also, this is my first Billy Idol album…seems appropriate, really…
zz top - afterburner
ZZ TOP – Afterburner
It may be one of the “commercial” ZZ Top records, but it’s a good, solid record. I first listened to the entirety of this in grade school, on the walkman the dentist let me listen to while doing some dental work, and liking it, all while clenching with anxiety from the drilling…
cure - seventeen seconds
The CURE – Seventeen Seconds
I may be coming in late in the game with getting into The Cure, but at least I can get into them properly, with Robert Smith remastering and re-releasing everything on vinyl. This is an early look into what was to come on releases like Pornography and Disintegration…dark yet poppy…
aerosmith - toys in the attic
AEROSMITH – Toys In The Attic
After getting into Aerosmith with their Permanent Vacation release, and then their follow-up Pump becoming one of my oft-played favorites, I picked up a cassette copy of their classic Toys In The Attic in 1991…and didn’t really think much about it. Now that I picked it up on vinyl, after listening to it, aparently I was listening to the album all wrong…yeah, I’m becoming one of “those guys”…

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VINYL CONFESSIONS – 6/19/2019

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kansas - leftoverture

KANSAS – Leftoverture
What can I say? I unashamably love the song “Carry On Wayward Son”. The rest of the album is okay too, I guess…

david lee roth - crazy from the heat

DAVID LEE ROTH – Crazy From The Heat
So, I have to admit that I’m not really a fan of David Lee Roth. Either his solo stuff, or the time he spent in Van Halen. There are a couple of catchy songs that I do like; however, I’ve never really owned any of his releases…until I kept seeing this EP of covers he did after leaving Van Halen at Half Price Books, looking forlorn and lonely, like a puppy wanting a home. So I gave it a home. Eh, not losing sleep over this one…

doors - alive she cried

The DOORS – Alive She Cried
Back in the summer after I graduated High School, I purchased the boxed set that collected all of The Doors’ live matterial onto two cassettes, and played them until they wore out. Here’s one of the live albums that was featured, that I found at Half Price Books. I was immediately taken back to those late summer nights wherein I would walk around the farm with this playing on my walkman, pretending to be Jim Morrison…um, I may have shared a bit too much, here…

jimi hendrex - axis bold as love

JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE- Axis: Bold As Love
The second release from the Jimi Hendrix Experience, Axis: Bold As Love needs to be heard as a whole, instead of just a collection of singles…also, fantastic psychadelic artwork in a gatefold cover, there…

golden earring - moontan

GOLDEN EARRING – Moontan
This is the one with one of two Golden Earring songs that I was, up to now, familiar with: “Radar Love”. The rest of the album is pretty good, too…

krokus - one vice at a time

KROKUS – One Vice At A Time
Krokus may have been considered Switzerland’s poor-man’s AC/DC, but it’s still good crunchy hard rock, here…

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Vinyl Confessions: RIGHTEOUS METAL III

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saint - in the battle
SAINT – In The Battle
This was a comeback of sorts for Saint, getting back their original singer and their original heavy metal LIKE GOD INTENDED; a decade or so later, they remaster and re-released this with new artwork and on gorgeous white vinyl…fan-tastic, really…

philadelphia - search and destroy

PHILADELPHIA – Search & Destroy
Here was the Holy Grail of rare early metal releases, trying to find it since hearing the title cut on the cheesy yet fun Righteous Metal compilation; thanks to Roxx Records, I now have it, on gold vinyl and a greatly improved album cover artwork…came with a sticker of the album artwork as well…

xdisciplex - heaven + hell

xDISCIPLEx A.D. – Heaven & Hell
Randomly ran into this one at Half Price Books perusing their used vinyl, and grabbed it immediately…great hardcore classic, pressed on clear vinyl…looks good, sounds good, bit of water damage on the cover, but otherwise a great find…

sacrament - testimony of apocalypse

SACRAMENT – Testimony Of Apocalypse
This album needed the vinyl treatment, and save for the spindle hole being a bit small, I have no complaints about this thrash classic re-release…

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Vinyl Confessions: ODDS N’ SODS II

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jimi hendrix - are you experienced
JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE – Are You Experienced?
I originally got this as a cassette back when I was going through my whole college-age faux-hippie era, back when I would make my own bell bottoms, wear bright multi-colored scarves on my head, rose-tinted sunglasses, and stay up late drinking coffee and smoking clove cigarettes. Turns out, this debut album from the legendary Jimi Hendrix and his band is a solid front-to-back psychedelic rock album. This is obviously the US stereo release version, with that iconic cover art, as well as being an original release, rather than one of the recent re-releases…
jimi hendrix - smash hits
JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE – Smash Hits
Back in High School, I would read in my rock and metal magazines about how Jimi Hendrix revolutionized guitar playing for the rock and metal bands to follow, and so I picked up this Greatest Hits package at a Target on cassette to check out what the hype was all about. It wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, but over time the songs grew on me. I picked up this re-release, with way different cover art and 180-Gram Vinyl, because it was a used copy and cheaper than a new copy. Also, this has a couple of songs that were originally on the UK release of Are You Experienced that were omitted on the US release…
ramones - end of the century
The RAMONES – End Of The Century
This may be considered one of the less popular Ramones albums, but at least I can say I’m not a poser who just has the album “Blitzkrig Bop” is on…just the one “Rock And Roll High School” is on…
supertones - strike back
SUPERTONES – Supertones Strike Back
So I really can’t give a good explanation as to why I picked up this particular record, other than I saw it used at the Half Price Books, and recalled it didn’t suck as bad as their first album. Still, somehow I don’t foresee this getting a lot of spins…huh…

Vinyl Confessions: RIGHTEOUS METAL II

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In which I feature more of my favorite METAL bands that have something of a certain theological bent, let’s just say…
demon hunter - war
DEMON HUNTER – War
demon hunter - peace
DEMON HUNTER – Peace
Grouping these two together, as they were just released by Demon Hunter simultaneously. I got them as part of the deluxe pre-order I signed up for back when Solid State announced them, which included these two vinyl copies of the two albums. Nice looking, yes…sounds great, too…
fear not
FEAR NOT – Fear Not
A much-needed remastering, as well as new updated artwork…oh, and a release on vinyl, as this was originally released only on CD and cassette back in 1993, and vinyl records had fallen out of vogue as far as music media was concerned…
haven - your dying day
HAVEN – Your Dying Day
Another Roxx Productions remaster and re-release on vinyl of an out-of-print classic, this one from melodic heavy metal act Haven. Of course, I couldn’t have this one without getting…
haven - age of darkness
HAVEN – Age Of Darkness
…their second release, also an out-of-print classic in the genre, also given the same treatment by Roxx Productions. Gads, I love that company…

Movie Review: LOQUEESHA

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loqueeshaIndie Rights / Amazon Prime Video
2019
NR

Back in the mid-90s, during the first season of sketch comedy show MadTV, there was a sketch entitled “That’s My White Mama”. It was played as a sitcom that featured Artie Lange being possessed by the ghost of an African American woman that he accidentally killed in an automobile accident, so now he dressed and acts like the typical sitcom sassy black woman and hijinks ensue. It’s about as cringe-inducing as it sounds. You take that sketch, take away the supernatural possession angle, and bond it with the script for the Dolly Parton movie Straight Talk, along with a dash of the 80s blackface “comedy” Soul Man, and you’ve more or less have this dumpster fire that is Loqueesha.

I don’t just throw around the epitaph of “dumpster fire” lightly. And it’s not like I went into this movie not thinking this wasn’t going to be a bad movie. I just had no idea at what level we were looking at. And it’s not just the premise of a white man pretending to be a black woman and being successful at it. I’ll get to that in a moment, though.

I would have not known this movie even existed, if it weren’t for a Trailer Reaction video made by Brad “The Cinema Snob” Jones on YouTube. Apparently, the trailer itself caused quite a bit of a controversial stir, and although it secured a theatrical release date, that studio decided to drop the movie all together once the angry social media blitzstorm began hitting the fan. So, it was dropped off directly onto Amazon’s Prime Video streaming, where I’m surprised it hasn’t been pulled already. But, again, I’m getting ahead of myself. Point is, after watching that trailer reaction, I was far too morbidly curious to check out Loqueesha to just pass up the opportunity to watch it when I discovered its release on Prime Video. Thanks, Mr. Jones.

The rundown of this flick is, there’s a guy named Joe who is a bartender that has a talent of despising sage advice to the patrons who wander into said bar. He’s constantly told that he should use his advice-giving talent to make oodles of money, but being the humble guy that he is, he always downplays that idea, content with being a simple barkeep. Until, that is, one day he’s told by his ex-wife that his son is brilliant and is transferring to a private school for really smart kids, and he has to come up with the money to keep up with the higher tuition. So, he tries to get a job as a radio talk show host, only nobody wants plain ol’ vanilla Joe. So he then makes a demo reel of him pretending to be a sassy black woman named Loqueesha, and that’s what gets him hired to do a show…as Loqueesha. Only, no one–except for his producer–knows that Loqueesha isn’t real. Or a white guy. So then, wackiness ensues as he tries to balance his secret with his sudden fame, all the while dishing out the sassiest and sagest advice to a growing listenership as only Loqueesha can. Is he able to maintain this facade? No…as the person they hired to appear as Loqueesha in public appearances and billboards attempts to blackmail him, he quits, the show tanks with the other Loqueesha, and he comes back after coming clean with his listenership, then gets an additional show as his real self while still doing Loqueesha.

There. I just saved you the trouble of having to watch this movie to find out what happens. You’re welcome.

Look, I’m not even going to touch the obvious elephant in the room with this movie. I’m all for edgy social commentary satires…when they’re done right. Or at least competently. All I’m going to say is that Loqueesha attempts to make a statement but falls flat on its face after a few steps in.That would be bad enough; however, things are complicated even more when you factor in that the guy behind all of this–Jeremy Saville–not only wrote the script, but directed and starred as the lead protagonist Joe. Taking the Tommy Wiseau route to making a movie rarely bodes well for the quality to begin with; on Loqueesha, it’s evident that Saville considers himself far more talented and funny than he really is.

The jokes just aren’t funny, the editing is hacky, the acting on the level of an early-90s TGIF sitcom (Full House level, maybe the first season of Family Matters, before Urkel took over), and the effects uses had the quality of someone just learning Adobe Acrobat. When the movie did illicit a laugh out of me, it was from laughing at the movie, not with it. Like when the actor playing the “live appearance Loqueesha” said to Joe, “I guess you’re a better black woman than I am.” I would have loved to have been on set the day that scene was filmed, just to see what happened after that line was read. And how many takes they had to do. I would have never made it with a straight face, personally, had I been in her shoes.

Overall, Loqueesha is just a bad movie on so many levels. I can’t even recommend this as a So-Bad-It’s-Good level. Pass on this one…

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