SPEAKING IN TONGUES:

• Not unique to Christianity
• Tongues can be practiced in an ignorant, ungodly manner (1 Corinthians 13:1; 14:4,9)
• If in public, an interpreter must always be present and must interpret (1 Corinthians 14:28)
• It is FALSE that all believers should speak in tongues (1 Corinthians 12:29-30; 14:23)
• Tongues were sign of judgment (1 Corinthians 14:20-22)
• Tongues were known languages (Acts 2:5-12)

::END TRANSMISSION::

From Christianity and Liberalism…

According to the Christian view, as set forth in the Bible, mankind is under the curse of God’s holy law, and the dreadful penalty includes the corruption of our whole nature. Actual transgressions proceed from the sinful root, and serve to deepen every man’s guilt in the sight of God. On the basis of that view, so profound, so true to the observed facts of life, it is obvious that nothing natural will meet our need. Nature transmits the dreadful taint; hope is to be sought only in a creative act of God.

And that creative act of God–so mysterious, so contrary to all expectation, yet so congruous with the character of the God who is revealed as the God of love–is found in the redeeming work of Christ. No product of sinful humanity could have redeemed humanity from the dreadful guilt or lifted a sinful race from the slough of sin. But a Saviour has come from God. There lies the very root of the Christian religion; there is the reason why the supernatural is the very ground and stubstance of the Christian faith. [Pg. 100 (Kindle Edition)]

Without the conviction of sin there can be no appreciation of the uniqueness of Jesus; it is only when we contrast our sinfulness with His holiness that we appreciate the gulf which separates Him from the rest of the children of men. And without the conviction of sin there can be no understanding of the occasion for the supernatural act of God; without the conviction of sin, the good news of redemption seems to be an idle tale. [Ibid]

Book Review: COUCH SURFING THROUGH THE 12 CHAMBERS OF HELL

Curtis M. Lawson
Weird House Press
2024

The body. What a terrible phrase. Say it aloud. Let it roll off your lips. Are there any two words so macabre when placed beside each other?

• The charmed life of aging rock star Nathan Pharaoh comes to a screeching halt when his wife and daughter meet violent deaths. Unsure of how to cope with this immense tragedy, Nathan embarks on a road trip down Route 50, “the loneliest road in America”. As Nathan grapples with grief, anger, and survivor’s guilt, he is haunted by a demonic figure responsible for the death of his family. The monster is hungry for Nathan’s soul, urging him toard oblivion. Nathan is not alone, however. On his voyage he comes across old friends and older gods, each guiding him toward life and rebirth. Will Nathan Pharaoh make it across Route 50, or will he be dragged into the underworld for all eternity?

It’s been nearly a couple of years, now, when my friend, cohort, and partner in podcasting Delphine talked me into purchasing and reading the novel Black Hearts Boys Choir, in order to not only do a review, but also interview the author–Curtis M. Lawson–for my podcast. Which was odd enough by itself: this was the Movies+Beer=Podcast, and I generally talked about…well, movies. And this wasn’t the only book Del discussed with me on the show. Regardless, the book grabbed my attention by how it was written, and the interview was awesome, so yadda yadda yadda, here we are, doing a written review of his latest (at the time of this writing) novella, Couch Surfing Through the 12 Chambers of Hell.

Released earlier in March in the year of our Lord 2024, through Weird House Press, Couch Surfing Through the 12 Chambers of Hell tell the tale of Nathan Pharaoh, a famous rock star guitarist who has suffered one of the biggest tragedies to befall anyone. After an open mic night at a dive bar, what follows is a year-long odyssey across America on Route 50…well, it’s all up top, in the book blurb on the back that I cribbed for this review. It’s one of the times where the descript is pretty spot-on, without needing any embellishment from yours truly.

As far as my thoughts on this goes, Couch Surfing Through the 12 Chambers of Hell, at 102 pages, went at a rather quick pace. It’s a very lean and powerful story, managing to convey the heartache, loneliness and sense of nihilistic self-loathing that the main character is feeling. All the while, the whole thing plays out like a never-ending fever-enduced nightmare, never knowing if what he’s experiencing is real, or just his drug-addled hallucinations, cuminating in one of the more satisfying redemption arcs I’ve read so far.

One of my favorite parts of this story happens early on: he stops by his father’s house on Halloween, and shares a heart-warming reunion with not only him but those he was never there for, only to have the whole thing kick you in the gut pretty hard by the end of the chapter. Second favorite? The last chapter. I’ll let you read it yourself to see why.

Overall: Couch Surfing Through the 12 Chambers of Hell, though brief, was still quite satisfying. The story was like a mixture of Neil Gaiman and Clive Barker, deftly weaving a yarn that is dark yet fascinating, utilizing Egyptian mythology with the dark fantasy/horror elements. I highly recommend this.

Fine, Here’s How My 2023 Went…

Five days into a brand new year. Usually, I’m good with getting out an end-of-the-year bit written and out there. But, I found myself going over my journals over 2023, and realized, I really didn’t want to revisit it.

And so, here I am, revisiting it; at least, a condensed version. Because my brain won’t shut up about it.

So, first major thing, and right off the bat to kick off the new year back in January 2023, I had to get my left foot amputated. That was on January 13th, which was a Friday, because of course it was. There was an issue over six months prior where a tendon just gave out, so I was walking on the side of my foot, which caused an already backed-up cardiovascular system in my leg to stop up and, long story short, there was irreparable damage to the foot, and infection set in with the bones. So, now I have a stump where my foot once was.

In May, I got fitted for a prosthetic, so I can at least walk and stand somewhat normally. This was the first cast; I was told that the calf muscle was going to shrink considerably over the months, and so would need to get an updated cast made. Which, just happens to be this coming Wednesday, January 10th. Here’s hoping the better fit means less pain and frustration. It’s been an experience adjusting to walking again, this time with a ten pound piece of hardware stuck on my stump.

So then, yeah…the rest of the year has been an adventure in adjusting to my new reality. I spent the rest of January and a week of February in the hospital, at which time I had to spend in the ICU due to…well, complications. The doctors assured me that I wasn’t in a coma, per se, but all I remember is closing my eyes for a rest on Monday morning, and then waking up on Thursday afternoon. Same week, at least, but there were a couple of doctors and several nurses in the room with me when I did come to, along with my mom and sister. The doctors had that “Oh, good, we’re not gonna get sued,” look on their faces.

Then, I spent some time at the Madonna rehab center in West Omaha for a couple of weeks. Let me tell you, the food there is . Oh, and the physical and occupational therapy was intense. I had a wheelchair custom made for me (the chair pad is molded to my butt!), and had the preliminary talks with some prosthetic people, before I went back to the family farm.

Oh, also: after nearly 10 years, I’ve had to permanently move out of the Haunted Victorian. I still miss the place, really. All those books. Anyway…

Some good points to the year:

• I got involved with a writing collective called the Owl Light Army, which also ties into…
• We have launched a podcasting network, named the Owl Light Network; I host the B-Movie Review show called Tomb Of The Terrible, right now bi-weekly…it’s gaining some kind of fanbase, I’m told…I even have merch, somehow…
• I’m continuing writing; the plan is to finish up the small handful of stories I’ve started, and ready them for publication…that would be neat…
• as far as my faith goes, I’m more and more embracing what I call Post-Evangelical…which is my way of saying “I’m not ready to call myself Reformed”…but the more I read in Scripture, the more I see how both the Law and the Gospel cannot be separated, that I will never, never, never (ad Infinium) not need to hear the Gospel, how it’s instrumental in my salvation, and through which this ongoing sanctification is based upon…that was a mouthful…
• also, finally, on December 31st, after over a year and a half, I shaved my beard off. This was a birthday gift for my mother, who really wanted to see my face again. So, I shaved it off for her. I’m growing it back, by the way…
• also also, I turned 50…

Anyway, that’s pretty much all I have as far as remembering 2023. So far, 2024 has been a modicum better. Here’s to the new year…cheers…

::END TRANSMISSION::

So, This Is 50…Huh…

Today, my biological odometer rolled over to 50. The big 5-0. Halfway to 100. 

In ancient times, I would be considered freakishly old, and, I don’t know, suspected of having made a pact with the devil to live this long.

I have been through some rough things through this time on Earth: parents divorce, death of loved ones, struggles with mental illness, the Star Wars Holiday Special. 

I have failed more times than I am comfortable admitting to. I’m hyper-aware of those I’ve hurt along the way, either by accident, or otherwise. And because of my mental condition, not a day goes by where I’m not spending hours replaying these memories with alternate takes, just to see if there was a more favorable outcome that could have been. I’ve lost a lot of sleep over these.

But, I also have good memories. Personal triumphs. I have witnessed and experienced some great things: the first time I truly experienced music and how it can move me, and cause me to feel things like nothing else can or will. My family bonds are strong, both my natural family and the surrogate family that I had met along the way.

Thinking back, it’s fascinating how things can flip over time; the things I used to be passionate about and thought were incredibly important in life are no longer of much concern for me, and vice-versa. I’m so very glad I didn’t end up peaking in either High School or college. And, there are the things that were important then, and only intensified in importance over the decades: I remain a voracious reader, something that was instilled in me at a very young age by not only my parents, but also grandparents and aunts, and encouraged by the grade school and high school teachers. Now, I’m a writer myself, with several writers and authors I consider friends that encourage and help to sharpen each others’ skills.

I have learned the importance of forgiveness, and learning from the scars. I’ve had to break off a few relationships, but I have no one I consider my enemy (despite those that may consider me their enemy for whatever reason). Finally learning how a wise person forgives, but doesn’t forget is a hard one, but will bring more peace than holding on to animosity. It’s not easy, and definitely not a sign of weakness to forgive and move on.

Most importantly, I put my faith in Jesus when I was 15; that means I’ve been a Christian for almost 35 years now, over twice as long as I was not a Christian. During that time, the journey has been rough at times, but I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I have poured over the Scriptures many times, having been given the hunger and desire to read the Bible and study it thoroughly almost immediately after trusting Jesus, and I can honestly say after 35 years, I have barely scratched the surface of my journey. There will be many blog posts about the many aspects of my journey as a Christian, as well as brain droppings and such, but I will say this: the people that I have met and will meet, the close friendships of both Christian and non-Christians alike, have been gifts from God, and have enriched me beyond anything I can even put to words.

So, here’s to turning 50. I don’t know how much longer I have in this world, and quite frankly I do adhere to the Apostle Paul’s assertion that I’d rather be dead, but there are benefits to still being alive*. Until then, if you’re reading this, thanks for accompanying me on this journey, if even for a brief time.

Now then, off to cram 50 candles on a cupcake and light ‘em up. 

::END TRANSMISSION::

[*the actual quote is “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21), but that was my own personal paraphrase]

Sunday musings…

“Claims to special divine revelations are not so much a sign of super-spirituality as they are of evangelical or pietistic megalomania. The days of prophets and apostles, genuine agents of revelation, are past. Such claims today are spurious and exceedingly dangerous. To cloak one’s desires, hunches, or opinions in such claims is to make use of a godless form of persuasion. What does one say to the person who claims, ‘The Lord told me to do this?’ To use such devices is to place oneself above criticism by bathing one’s opinions in divine sanction.” – R.C. Sproul.

::END TRANSMISSION::

Why Do We Speak Out?

[Taken from the These Aren’t The Apostles You’re Looking For Facebook page]

First and foremost, we hate to see God misrepresented. He is worthy of being known for Who He truly is as He has revealed in His Word. We don’t want our loved ones believing lies about our great Redeemer. It hurts to see all manner of ridiculous and harmful things attributed to our Holy God.

Then it’s about the people. Most of us have been in the movement ourselves but all of us have felt the impact deeply in some way.

False teaching hurts everyone it touches. It leads the desperate mother to sow seed offerings to the “Man of God” which she can’t afford. She’s been told her crippled son will be healed if she sows enough dollars with enough faith.

False teaching is responsible for ripping church congregations in half. It fuels narcissism in leaders and paves the way for the worst forms of spiritual abuse. Many of us have been on the receiving end.

It is the tool of Satan to redefine all the core concepts of the Christian Faith…most of all redefining faith itself. Our adversary is happy to have you preoccupied with your performance and the amount of faith you have rather than the object of faith. False teaching gets your eyes off of Christ and onto a host of shiny distractions such as “the secret to breaking generational curses” and “how to hear the still small voice”.

People become enamored with anointings, mantles, breakthroughs, shifts, atmospheres, and deliverances. They’re told that all these mystical practices will cure their illnesses and stop them from sinning. False promises are handed out like candy.

Ultimately, false teaching undermines the Gospel and bars the way to life and liberty in Christ. It straps a million burdens on your back that God never intended you to bear. When crisis comes knocking on your door, false teaching has nothing to offer you but a stronger dose of delusion to numb the pain.

We speak out because we love people and the people we love need Jesus…the true Jesus Christ revealed in Scripture. They need the full counsel of the Word preached. The Spirit of God would have us preach the Law through which He convicts the sinner, followed by the Gospel of Christ crucified for the forgiveness of sins. He has no interest in promoting anyone to greatness. He dwells with the contrite and lowly. He is only interested in exalting Christ.

This we seek to do, though we do it poorly. This is our motive and aim. Souls are precious. God’s character is too beautiful to be misrepresented. His Gospel is too wonderful to be buried under a pile of counterfeits.

And let it not be said of us that we hate our opponents. If tomorrow, Bill Johnson publicly repents and shuts his ministry down and cries out to God for mercy, I’ll get a group of Christians together to go to Redding to give him the biggest hug he’s ever had, and we’d assure him that even though he’s been a great sinner, Christ is a great Savior.

I don’t hate these men and women. They deceive even while being deceived. Our battle is with the enemy of our souls who has taken them captive to do his will. We heed the orders given to Timothy…

“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:24-26)

We love because of the love that’s been lavished upon us. Grace upon grace. If not for the kindness of God, we could be in the shoes of the false teacher. We do get angry at the things they say and the spiritual abuse, but we remind ourselves that “There go I but for the grace of God”.

And so we continue to speak. Even as we’re labeled as cold hearted Pharisees. It’s ok. The reward of seeing yet another little lamb snatched to safety away from the wolves is enough to compensate for the slander and the pain of being misunderstood.

For these reasons we press on.

In His Grip,
Ex-NAR Christian

::END TRANSMISSION::

DEUTERONOMY 9

NOT BECAUSE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

¹“Hear, O Israel: you are to cross over the Jordan today, to go in to dispossess nations greater and mightier than you, cities great and fortified up to heaven, ²a people great and tall, the sons of the Anakim, whom you know, and of whom you have heard it said, ‘Who can stand before the sons of Anak?’ ³Know therefore today that he who goes over before you as a consuming fire is the Lord your God. He will destroy them and subdue them before you. So you shall drive them out and make them perish quickly, as the Lord has promised you.

===NOTES===

• 9:2-3 The Anakites were enormous people, some seven to nine feet tall. Goliath, probably a descendant of this race, was over nine feet tall (c.f. 1 Samuel 17:4-7). Unfortunately, these great men used their stature as a means of intimidation rather than for noble causes. Their appearance alone frightened the Israelite scouts (c.f. Numbers 13:28), and their bad reputation may have been the deciding factor that kept the Israelites out of the land 40 years earlier (c.f. Number 13-14). Moses used all his persuasive power to convince his people that God could handle these bullies. He used the illustration of God as a devouring fire, for not even a giant could stand up to that.
• 9:3 God promised to go before the Israelites as a “devouring fire” to help them conquer their enemies. Fire was a symbol of holiness and purification, illustrating God’s desire to purify the land of its wicked people in order to make Israel a holy nation.

⁴“Do not say in your heart, after the Lord your God has thrust them out before you, ‘It is because of my righteousness that the Lord has brought me in to possess this land,’ whereas it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord is driving them out before you. ⁵Not because of your righteousness or the uprightness of your heart are you going in to possess their land, but because of the wickedness of these nations the Lord your God is driving them out from before you, and that he may confirm the word that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.

⁶“Know, therefore, that the Lord your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stubborn people. ⁷Remember and do not forget how you provoked the Lord your God to wrath in the wilderness. From the day you came out of the land of Egypt until you came to this place, you have been rebellious against the Lord. ⁸Even at Horeb you provoked the Lord to wrath, and the Lord was so angry with you that he was ready to destroy you. ⁹When I went up the mountain to receive the tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant that the Lord made with you, I remained on the mountain forty days and forty nights. I neither ate bread nor drank water. ¹⁰And the Lord gave me the two tablets of stone written with the finger of God, and on them were all the words that the Lord had spoken with you on the mountain out of the midst of the fire on the day of the assembly. ¹¹And at the end of forty days and forty nights the Lord gave me the two tablets of stone, the tablets of the covenant. ¹²Then the Lord said to me, ‘Arise, go down quickly from here, for your people whom you have brought from Egypt have acted corruptly. They have turned aside quickly out of the way that I commanded them; they have made themselves a metal image.’

===NOTES===

• 9:5-6 If the Israelites were so stubborn, why did God make such wonderful promises to them? There are two good reasons: (1) A bargain is a bargain. God and Israel had made a treaty (c.f. Genesis 15; Genesis 17; Exodus 19-20). God promised to be faithful to them, and they promised to obey Him. The agreement was irrevocable and eternal. Even though the Israelites rarely upheld their end of the bargain, God would always be faithful to His part. (2) God’s mercy is unconditional. No matter how many times the people turned from God, he was always there to restore them. It is comforting to know that despite our inconsistencies and sins, God loves us unconditionally. Eternal life is achieved not on the merit system but on the mercy system. God loves us no matter who we are or what we have done.

THE GOLDEN CALF

¹³“Furthermore, the Lord said to me, ‘I have seen this people, and behold, it is a stubborn people. ¹⁴Let me alone, that I may destroy them and blot out their name from under heaven. And I will make of you a nation mightier and greater than they.’ ¹⁵So I turned and came down from the mountain, and the mountain was burning with fire. And the two tablets of the covenant were in my two hands. ¹⁶And I looked, and behold, you had sinned against the Lord your God. You had made yourselves a golden^a calf. You had turned aside quickly from the way that the Lord had commanded you. ¹⁷So I took hold of the two tablets and threw them out of my two hands and broke them before your eyes. ¹⁸Then I lay prostrate before the Lord as before, forty days and forty nights. I neither ate bread nor drank water, because of all the sin that you had committed, in doing what was evil in the sight of the Lord to provoke him to anger. ¹⁹For I was afraid of the anger and hot displeasure that the Lord bore against you, so that he was ready to destroy you. But the Lord listened to me that time also. ²⁰And the Lord was so angry with Aaron that he was ready to destroy him. And I prayed for Aaron also at the same time. ²¹Then I took the sinful thing, the calf that you had made, and burned it with fire and crushed it, grinding it very small, until it was as fine as dust. And I threw the dust of it into the brook that ran down from the mountain.

===NOTES===

• 9:18 From the record of this event in Exodus 32, it seems as though Moses acted immediately, grinding the golden calf into powder and forcing the people to drink water mixed with it. But evidently, Moses had spent 40 days and nights interceding for the people.
• a Hebrew cast metal

²²“At Taberah also, and at Massah and at Kibroth-hattaavah you provoked the Lord to wrath. ²³And when the Lord sent you from Kadesh-barnea, saying, ‘Go up and take possession of the land that I have given you,’ then you rebelled against the commandment of the Lord your God and did not believe him or obey his voice. ²⁴You have been rebellious against the Lord from the day that I knew you.

====NOTES===

• 9:23 Moses was reminding the people of the nation’s unbelief 40 years earlier, when they had been afraid to enter Canaan. The Israelites had not believed God would be able to help them in spite of all He had already done. They refused to follow because they looked only to their own limited resources instead of to God. Unbelief is the root of many sins and problems. When you feel lost, it may be because you’re looking everywhere but to God for your help and guidance (see also Psalm 81:6-12; Psalm 95:8; Psalm 106:13-20; Hebrews 3)

²⁵“So I lay prostrate before the Lord for these forty days and forty nights, because the Lord had said he would destroy you. ²⁶And I prayed to the Lord, ‘O Lord God, do not destroy your people and your heritage, whom you have redeemed through your greatness, whom you have brought out of Egypt with a mighty hand. ²⁷Remember your servants, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Do not regard the stubbornness of this people, or their wickedness or their sin, ²⁸lest the land from which you brought us say, “Because the Lord was not able to bring them into the land that he promised them, and because he hated them, he has brought them out to put them to death in the wilderness.” ²⁹For they are your people and your heritage, whom you brought out by your great power and by your outstretched arm.’

DEUTERONOMY Chapter 8

¹“The whole commandment that I command you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers. ²And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. ³And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word^a that comes from the mouth of the Lord. ⁴Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. ⁵Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you. ⁶So you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him. ⁷For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, ⁸a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive trees and honey, ⁹a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. ¹⁰And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.

===NOTES===

• 8:3 Jesus quoted this verse when the devil tempted him to turn stones into bread (c.f. Matthew 4:4). Many people think that life is based on satisfying their appetites. If they can earn enough money to dress, eat, and play in high style, they think they are living “the good life.” But such things do not satisfy our deepest longings. In the end they leave us empty and dissatisfied. Real life, according to Moses, comes from total commitment to God and living by every word that comes from Him. How can we live by His word? 1) Recognize our need for it. 2) Agree that God alone can truly satisfy us. 3) Pray for God’s presence, wisdom, and direction as we read. 4) Savor the relationship you have with Him through Christ. 5) Practice what He teaches you.
• 8:4 It’s usually easy for us to take God’s protection for granted. We seldom take notice or thank God when our car doesn’t break down, our clothes don’t rip, or our tools don’t break. The people of Israel also failed to take notice, it seems, for they didn’t even notice that in 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, their clothes didn’t wear out and their feet didn’t blister or swell. Thus, they did not remember to give thanks to God for these blessings. What has been working well for you? What has been giving you good service? What has been lasting for a long time without breaking down or apart? Rembmer to thank God for these quiet blessings.
• 8:10 This verse is traditionally cited as the reason we say grace before or after meals. Its purpose, however, was to warn the Israelites not to forget God when their needs and wants were satisfied. Let your table prayers serve as a constant reminder of the Lord’s goodness to you and your duty to those who are less fortunate.
• a Hebrew by all

¹¹“Take care lest you forget the Lord your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, ¹²lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, ¹³and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, ¹⁴then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, ¹⁵who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, ¹⁶who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. ¹⁷Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ ¹⁸You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day. ¹⁹And if you forget the Lord your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish. ²⁰Like the nations that the Lord makes to perish before you, so shall you perish, because you would not obey the voice of the Lord your God.

===NOTES===

• 8:11-20 In times of plenty, we often take credit for our prosperity and become proud that our own hard work and cleverness have made us rich. It is easy to get so busy collecting and managing wealth that we push God right out of our lives. But it is God who gives us everything we have, and it is God who asks us to manage it for Him.

Confessions of a Depressed Christian: The Struggle

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church, of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known. (Colossians 1:24-25)

Years of heartache and struggling, years without a “season of refreshment”, have landed me in a frame of mind where it seems foolish to keep hoping for anything but the eschaton¹.

How does one live in the light of both Scripture and personal experience without diminishing either? There are theological realities that have to be brought to bear on the matter, the foremost being the Incarnation.

In the Incarnation, Jesus took on all our sin and all our suffering, and He suffers with us and for us. We are never alone in our suffering.

I’ve read it elsewhere put like this: “God protects us from nothing and sustains us in everything.”² Despite the source of that quote, I find this being my experience entirely.

I am not whole, and am not healed, but the surgery was successful, the medication works, and I am slowly learning to adapt to my new realities as they come. I am not whole, but able.

Prosperity is far from me, but somehow I always have just enough.
I am alone, but I have my small circle of what I like to call my extended family, and thus, I am not truly alone.

I have been, and I am sustained.

I yearn for more, but the Scriptures tell me to be content, and grateful³.

In the meantime, I keep praying–asking, seeking, knocking–because He just might surprise me.

This reality also means I keep reading my Bible, to diligently study the Scriptures, and trusting them as the source of Truth to rest in, and not my experiences alone.

Sometimes, it just sucks being human.

::END TRANSMISSION::

::FOOTNOTES::

• 1-Eschaton [es-kuh-ton]: Theology. the final age and the consummation of history, including the Last Judgment and the defeat of evil, the eternal blessedness of the righteous, and, in some traditions, the creation of a new heaven and earth: True peace and justice will be fully realized only at the eschaton. (source)
• 2-James Finley
• 3-Philippians 4:11-13