Movie Review: The PREDATOR

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the predator20th Century Fox
2018
R

So, here we are. Yet another movie involving the intergalactic hunter species known as the Predator. Ever since showing up on the big screen in 1987 with the very first movie, the fanbase can’t seem to get enough of the creature. Even with every sequel that doesn’t seem to live up to the insta-classic that was the first one. Even when they pitted the Predator with that other intergalactic fan favorite, the Alien (which is, ironically, technically more of a predator than the actual Predator is). Since it’s been 8 years since the release of the better-than-most-realize sequel Predators, another go at a sequel was not surprising, but again I don’t think a lot of people were clamoring for another one. But we got one. And of course I went to go see it on the opening weekend.

So, the story for The Predator goes as such: a couple of Predator space ships are battling it out over Earth when the smaller ship ejects something, and then crash lands on our planet, in the middle of a hostage retrieval mission. One of the snipers picks up some sweet Predator hardware, and mails it to his autistic son for safe keeping. And because Hollywood treats autism like it’s magic, the young boy figures out how to use the Predator mask and arm gauntlet. Meanwhile, the captured predator has come to and escaped the super-secret military lab where was in the process of getting looked at by Jake Busey (Busey Lite…you get all the Busey with only half the crazy), and tracks the kid who’s out trick or treating with the Predator tech. Which, technically, this makes The Predator a Halloween movie. Anyway, Sniper Dad was being transported to a government prison during all of this, but managed to escape with his fellow inmates and tracks down the escaped Predator and saves both a scientist and his son from not only the Predator, but kind of a bigger, scarier Predator that’s been hunting the first Predator for reasons. Stupid reasons, as we’ll come to find out later. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. The gov’ment is also hunting the Predators, and it seems that the aliens are looking to upgrade their species with the best of the best DNA, and in this case, that’s from the sniper’s son, because, and I’m quoting from the dialog here, “autism is the next step in human evolution.” *sigh* Anyway, the Apex Predator does the whole Most Dangerous Game thing with the gaggle of inmates and gov’ment guys, captures the young lad, and makes to take off for home, when the surviving inmates take out the ship, then takes out the Apex Predator, and the movie ends on sequel bait.

For what it is, The Predator is exactly what it is: a Predator movie. Nothing more, nothing less. But, this one feels like a bit of a hot mess, mainly due to the combination of awkward humor beats, some choppy editing (possibly due to the controversy surrounding one of the actors who was cut from the final film), and some attempts to build on the Predator mythos that doesn’t make much sense. The real hits to this, though, are not only the autism treatment, but The Predator once again uses Tourette’s as comic relief. It just pisses me off.

The Exalted Geeks and I went to see The Predator the Saturday after it opened, and the theater was mostly empty. This is not doing well as of this writing, and we’ll probably never see that sequel the movie was hinting at. Just as well. I give this movie a frustrated head shake and a “wait for the rental”.

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Movie Review: ICEBREAKER

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icebreakerEdgewood Entertainment
2000
PG-13

“They were all huddled together, but you know I could tell they had just enough piss and vinegar left in them that, uh, give them an inch, they’d scream for miles.”

Wow. Just…wow. I never thought I’d see the day where a movie featuring Bruce Campbell would fail to entertain me on any kind of level. But, here we are, at that day. And not surprising, it’s a movie that’s put out by the same studio that brought us Radical Jack and Time Chasers. Yeah, I seem to be stumbling on these left and right nowadays.

Icebreaker not only stars Bruce Campbell, but also Stacy Keech and Sean Astin. Yes, that Sean Astin. This was the movie he was in before starring in the Lord Of The Rings movies. My guess is that Peter Jackson didn’t see Icebreaker before casting him. But, that’s neither here nor there.

In Icebreaker, a group of terrorists lead by a shaven-headed Bruce Campbell, have stolen a nuclear warhead and have it on a mountain nearby a ski resort. At said ski resort works an earnest Radar O’Riley type of rescue team member (Astin), who is already nervous enough due to being scheduled to have lunch with his fiance’s father (he doesn’t approve of him as his daughter’s betrothed, surprise surprise), but then finds himself in the position of an ultra-low-rent John McClane in a second-rate Die Hard At A Ski Resort when the resort is taken hostage by the terrorists, and he seems to be the only one able to try and save the day. It doesn’t go as well as planned, let’s just say.

You know, I never thought I’d see the day where I’d get bored watching a movie featuring Bruce Campbell. But, here we are. Icebreakers is the movie that has proved to me that, despite the pairing of both Campbell and Keech, the movie couldn’t be saved from utter mind-numbing mediocrity. Campbell seemed to be phoning it in, whereas he normally gives a memorable scene-chewing to anything I’ve seen him in, including those bad-on-a-different-level Sci-Fi Channel movies from the early Aughts. Sean Astin, bless his heart, comes close to elevating Icebreakers to an almost watchable level with his patented cherub-like demeanor, but this still falls very short in the process.

Overall, there’s not enough cheese in Icebreakers to make someone like me, a man who famously revels in cheesy bad movies, keep my interest. The Rifftrax edition does make this a bit more palatable, but as a movie in and of itself, give it a hard pass.

Book Review: BRIEF CASES (The Dresden Files)

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brief cases dresden filesJim Butcher
ACE
2018

It’s been three years since the last book in the Dresden Files series was released. Three long years without our favorite Chicago-based wizard detective to experience exciting supernatural wackiness vicariously through. Fortunately, there’s been a recent publication of another short story collection by Jim Butcher, something that will tide me over until the next book in the series comes out. Loves me some Dresden Files.

Anyway, yeah, Brief Cases was recently released through ACE Books, collecting several short stories that Butcher wrote for other publications, plus one that was only released on this collection, if I have my information correct. Let’s dive in and see what we got, shall we?

  • “A Fistful Of Warlocks”

We take a trip back to the Wild West of the 1800s, where the warden Anastasia Luccio rides into the town of Dodge City, hot on the heels of a warlock, and teams up with a deputy sherif named Wyatt Erp to take on the warlock’s posse and their zombie horde.

  • “B Is For Bigfoot”

Harry Dresden takes a case from a Bigfoot named Strength of a River in His Shoulders (River Shoulders for short) to check up on his son, who goes to school in Chicago. The kid might be being picked on by bullies; only, it turns out to be more than that.

  • “AAAA Wizardry”

Dresden regales a class of young wardens in training with a tale of when he took on a case involving a boogeyman to illustrate the five “A”s of wizardly investigation.

  • “I Was A Teenage Bigfoot”

Once again, Dresden takes a case from River Shoulders, this time to check up on his son — who is now a teenager and attending a private school — and find out why he’s sick. On account of, the son of Bigfoot shouldn’t be getting sick, let alone lain out in the infirmary. It might be black magic afoot…but you’d never guess for what ends.

  • “Curses”

Dresden is hired to try and get a curse put on Wrigley Field in 1945 lifted so the Cubs can actually win for once, darn it. This takes him deep in the realm of the Tylwyth Teg, to speak to the caster of the curse. Who knew the creatures of folklore were big baseball fans?

  • “Even Hand”

A story told from the point of view of John Marcone, the Chicago crime lord that’s a perpetual thorn in Dresden’s side. Here, Marcone is best upon by a rather nasty member of the Fomor — Cantrev Lord Mag — who’s there to collect a baby that was stolen by the White Court’s human servant Justine. Things go boom.

  • “Bigfoot On Campus”

One last case from River Shoulders, and this time he wants Dresden to check in on his now college-age son due to a premonition of danger. Which may hold some water, as Dresden discovers that the kid is dating the daughter of a White Court vampire.

  • “Bombshells

Told from Molly Carpenter’s point of view, from her post-wizard apprentice days, due to Dresden still being considered dead at this point; she takes a mission to infiltrate a Swartves stronghold to rescue Dresden’s half-brother Thomas Raith; only, she discovers things aren’t as cut and dried as they seem. To be fair, they never are.

  • “Cold Case”

Another one from Molly Carpenter’s point of view, this time as the newly-minted Lady of the Winter Court. She is charged with collecting a long-overdue tribute from the Miksani. After arriving at the small Alaskan seaport, she discovers the reason why they’ve been so tardy, and teams up with the young Warden Ramirez to get things back in order.

  • “Jury Duty”

Harry Dresden is summoned to jury duty in the case of a former bodyguard for a crime boss accused of the murder of a man one year prior. It seems fairly cut and dried only Dresden has that inkling that something’s not quite right. So he goes investigating, along with one of his werewolf friends. Wackiness ensues.

  • “Day One”

A story told from the perspective of everyone’s favorite polka-loving, Sword of Faith-wielding mortician, Waldo Butters; this one concerns Butters’ first case as a newly-minted Knight of the Cross, which involves a rogue baku that’s feeding off the fear of the children in a hospital ward.

  • “Zoo Day”

The final story in this collection has Dresden taking his ten-year-old daughter Maggie and his dog (and current guardian of Maggie) Mouse on a daddy/daughter/doggie day at the zoo to look at some animals. This one takes turns with the point of views, starting with Dresden, who encounters a young warlock; Maggie, where she faces off with some nasty haunts that are possessing other kids at the zoo; and finally Mouse, where he meets a dark figure from his past. Also, there’s french fries.

Of the stories in this collection, I believe I enjoyed “A Fistful Of Warlocks”, the three involving Bigfoot and his half-human, half-bigfoot son (especially the “Bigfoot On Campus”, as things really go boom there), and “Zoo Day”, as we not only get a good story involving Dresden trying to be something he’s not accustomed to — being a father — but also the three points of view, one being the ironically named Mouse. That was great, there.

Mind you, all the rest of the stories contained are all top-notch, containing the quality type of action, mystery and humor that comes with this series, only contained in easily digestible bite-sized pieces. I’m afraid I went through my Kindle edition of this a bit too fast, as per usual. It was that kind of engrossing. Recommended.

Movie Review: JURASSIC WORLD Fallen Kingdom

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jurassicworldfallenkingdomUniversal Pictures
2018
PG-13

“If I don’t make it back, remember that you’re the one that made me come here.”

I believe at this point it’s safe to say that any sequel to come out will never really capture the lightning in the bottle magic of the original Jurassic Park movie. Which is okay, I think. As long as it’s entertaining, and doesn’t insult my intelligence too much. Which can’t really be said about all of the sequels. I mean, Jurassic Park III was pretty bad, in a mediocre kind of way. When it comes to the reboot sequels, I would have to sadly admit that the most recent sequel — Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom — falls rather flat.

Spoilers abound, my dearhearts…

It’s three years after the events of Jurassic World, and the dinosaurs on the island are in danger due to an active volcano getting ready to blow its top, literally. While the U.S. gov’ment is debating whether to consider them endangered species and try and save them, or to let nature take its course to correct the mistakes John Hammond made with the first park, the former operations manager of Jurassic World and now head of a Dinosaur Rights organization–Claire–is contacted by John Hammond’s former partner, Benjamin Lockwood, to mount a privately funded dino rescue mission. And since one of the last remaining velociraptors in existence is one of her ex’s pets, she talks him into coming along to help, along with a couple of interns from her Dino-Rights! group. I just imagined that being said by J.J. Walker, by the way. They all get to the island, along with a bunch of para-military types to help with the capturing of these beasts, who — surprise surprise, shock and awe — turn out to double-cross them on orders of Lockwood’s long-time financial assistant, who wants the dinosaurs to sell off to the highest bidder, and also create a new even more dangerous hybrid called the Indoraptor. Because we learned absolutely nothing with the Indominus Rex from the last movie. Lockwood’s granddaughter discovers what’s going on, as the assistant smothers Lockwood and prepares to sell off the dinosaurs. Meanwhile, Owen and Claire are captured and locked up with the dinos, but they manage to escape and interrupt the auction proceedings by setting free the Indoraptor, which kind of backfires when the thing starts hunting them down. But, then they manage to defeat the Indoraptor by way of Plot Convenience, but then the grandaughter learns that she’s a clone herself, and thus sets all the dinos free to roam the great American countryside, eating whoever gets in their way, and setting up another sequel.

Make no mistake, I’m no hater when it comes to these movies. It’s just that I consider th Jurassic Park movies to be like an amusement park ride that you go on frequently, like a rollercoaster or haunted fun house. The first time is great, but then they start getting predictable to the point where you could take a nap through the entire thing and still hit all the beats. This was actually winked at in the first Jurassic World movie, with everyone noodling around on their smart phones rather than look at live dinosaurs mere feet in front of there.

Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom felt like a movie that was going through the motions. Well, much more notably than the others. I mean, there’s only so much you can do with the who Altruistic “Dinosaurs have feewings” good guys versus the Evil “Dinosaurs are for-profit commodities to be exploited” entrepeneurs before you begin wondering if one of the financial backers was Peta or Greenpeace. this was already played out in The Lost World, and it was just as nauseatingly heavy-handed then, too.

There were parts of this movie I did enjoy, lest you begin thinking I slept through this: the parts where the dinos are all running amok in both the beginning and the end sections were always a treat; and say what you will about Chris Pratt, he’s the reason why you would want to watch this, outside of said dinosaurs. James Cromwell (Zefram Cochran to us Star Trek nerds) as the estranged business partner to John Hammond threw in a nifty angle that kind of retcons things a bit, but he fits right in. And as usual, the scenes are shot beautifully, and was probably the only reason why I was glad to have caught this on the big screen. However, that couldn’t keep the parts that took me out of my overall enjoyment from making this less than “meh”: for instance, never mind that the story itself is tired and merely paint-by-numbers, but there were times where I found myself thinking, “That’s not how lava works”, “They should have burst into flames and been reduced to cinder long before they got to the boat”, and “They’re really low-balling the prices for the auction of these things”. And don’t get me started with that kid more or less dooming humanity all because she’s got the feels.

Overall, Jurassic World: The Lost Kingdom isn’t entirely bad, per se. It has its problems, as well as some bright points, and points that just don’t make sense. Go into this with your expectations low, and catch a matinée instead of a full-price. Or wait for the rental / streaming. As to the obvious sequel baiting, to paraphrase the woefully underused Dr. Ian Malcolm here: they were so preoccupied with whether or not they could make a sequel that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

Movie Review: DEADPOOL 2

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deadpool 220th Century Fox
2018
R

“You remind me of my wife.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I said you remind me…”
“No, I’m sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.”

Whelp, I’m gonna call it. 2018 is the year for Marvel flicks. Whether the Disney movies, or the ones that are still owned by other studios, Marvel has been knocking ’em out of the park, there. Of course, one of the more highly anticipated Marvel movies this year was the sequel to 2016’s Deadpool, the surprise hit R-rated superhero movie that pretty much broke the mold when it came to the genre.

To say Deadpool 2 had a lot to live up to would be an hilarious understatement. The possibility for a sophomore slump was pretty strong. While the teaser trailers and online promos promised more of the same (and then some), and the plot utilizing not only X-Men fan-favorite Cable, but X-Force as well to up the ante, I was still a bit cautious when I finally sat myself down in my theater seat with the rest of the exalted geeks. The memory of the awesomeness of the first Deadpool movie alone was fueling my anticipation. Will Deadpool 2 be just as awesome? Or will it pratfall harder than the Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine? Probably not, but weirder disappointments have happened.

Suffice to say, Deadpool 2 did not disappoint. Was it as good as, or better than, the first Deadpool? We’ll get to that. But first, the Obligatory Rundown (there may be spoilers, so keep that in mind while I write from the hip, here):

We begin with Deadpool blowing himself up. We then are treated to a flashback to explain why he decided to off himself at the beginning of his own movie (hint: It involves the sudden death of a loved one that even the movie’s opening credits couldn’t believe just happened). But, since he’s Deadpool and has a crazy insane healing factor, his bits and pieces are…rescued? by Colossus, and he’s pieced back together in the X-Men Mansion. Colossus convinces Deadpool to finally join up with the X-Men, and is taken with him and Negasonic Teenage Wowthisisthelongestsuperheronameever to an incident involving a young mutant with fireball powers outside of another mutant hospital being run by a “doctor” who tortures young mutants to “cure” them. After deciding that the PG-13 route wasn’t for him, Deadpool manages to get himself and the young firestarter thrown into what is called the “icebox”, where some of the most dangerous mutants are imprisoned, their powers nullified by a special collar. This means that Deadpool’s healing factor is no longer a thing, and his cancer is coming back full force. But, due to a sudden surprise infiltration by a time-traveling super soldier named Cable, Deadpool gets his collar off and escapes, leaving the younger boy in there being hunted by Cable. Convicted to protect the boy, Deadpool forms a team of his own — X-Force — and during the transport of all the Icebox prisoners to a new location, most of the team is massacred by accident, save for the spunky young Domino, who stops Cable from killing the boy, but ends up releasing the Juggernaut in the process. The boy and Juggernaut head out to deal some pain to the guy who tortured him, which leads to Deadpool teaming up with Cable to try and talk him out of it without killing the boy. Things go boom. I’m just going to leave it there.

I’ll just come out and say it: Deadpool 2 was awesome. Though one could argue that the story beats in Deadpool 2 would be the anti-Logan from a couple of years ago, what with the protecting a child from a killer threat with some robotic implants, that still doesn’t distract from the fact that this movie maintains the quality of hilarity and action of the first one, gleefully subverting tropes, deftly dealing with the drama and seriousness with brazenly juvenile style. The movie starts off with a literal bang, and keeps that tone and pace up throughout, not so much breaking the fourth wall as demolishing it completely, with the jokes and action equally rapid-fire. The interaction between him and Cable is fantastic, and I kind of wish there was more between them. Domino was an interesting character herself; I’m not familiar with the source character, as I’m not what you would call an X-Men fan in that media. Of course, the best part of the movie is the mid-credit scene that you need to stay for. It’s the best one of all the Marvel movie mid-credit scenes going. Trust me, this will make you beyond giddy.

So, what I’m trying to say is, Deadpool 2 is awesome. I already said that once (see: Previous Paragraph), but it’s worth repeating as many times as possible. If you liked the first Deadpool, you’re gonna like Deadpool 2. That’s all. Go catch it while it’s in the theaters.

Movie Review: AVENGERS Infinity War

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avengers infinity warMarvel / Disney
2018
PG-13

“I’m gonna ask you this one time. Where is Gamora?”
“Yeah, I’ll do you one better. Who is Gamora?”
“I’ll do you one better. Why is Gamora?”

So, then. The third Avengers movie, and the first part of a two-parter that is promising to shake everything up in the cinematic Marvel Universe. Well, now. That’s a big promise, there. While I loved the first Avengers movie, the second one was kind of lackluster, and really, neither did really set my fanboy world ablaze at the time. I do admit, though, that the Marvel movies leading up to Infinity War these past couple of years have been ramping up in the quality story-wise (Spider-Man: Homecoming, Thor: Ragnarök, Black freakin’ Panther…need I go on?), so there was actual hope that Infinity War will live up to all the hype and blow me away with sheer awesomeness.

Going into this, already the scope was BIG by sheer numbers: Avengers Infinity War features almost everybody in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, save for Ant Man. I mean, they could have started off the movie by a big rendition of the song “Hey A Movie!” from The Great Muppet Caper (“Starring everybody, and meeeee!”). As a matter of fact…why wasn’t that a thing? Disney owns the Muppets, right? That could have been shoehorned in there easily. Thor and Loki could have a choreographed dance number. But, I digress. Point is, the stakes for this movie were already pretty high by the amount of crossover team-ups going on. This had the potential of falling flatter than the Justice League movie.

Fortunately, my natural tendency to expect the worst was proven wrong.

I take a break in this rambling review to state that, although it’s been a few weeks since the opening of this movie, there will be SPOILERS ahead, so be ye warned if, for some reason, you haven’t seen this yet. Though, I can’t fathom why.

Starting off almost immediately after the post-credit scene from Thor: Ragnarök, Thanos has killed almost everyone on the ship carrying all the Asgardian refugees, save for Thor, Loki, Heimdall and the Hulk. After single-handedly giving the smackdown to the Hulk and shiving Loki for the Space Stone, the Hulk is transported back to Earth by Heimdall, and Thor is tossed into space. Hulk crashes into the New York Sanctum Sanctorum of Doctor Strange, and — after reverting back to Bruce Banner — warns Strange about Thanos’ mad plan to eradicate half of all life in the universe, and is on his way to get the Time Stone from Strange. Recruiting Iron Man, they all put of a valiant fight against the henchmen Thanos sent, but Strange gets captured and taken into space, but not before Iron Man and a newly suited Spider-Man hitch a ride on their ship. Meanwhile, the Scarlet Witch and Vision are attacked by two more henchmen, but are saved by the arrival of Captain America, Black Widow and the Falcon. Thor is rescued by the Guardians of the Galaxy, and after a hilarious interchange between Thor and Starlord, Thor goes off with Rocket and a teenage Groot to the place where his original hammer was forged to make a new weapon to fight Thanos, while Starlord, Gamora, Drax and Mantis head back to Knowhere to try and save the Reality Stone, only to find that Thanos beat them there and has it in his possession.

With us so far? Good. Proceeding…

Thanos kidnaps Gamora to get the location of the Soul Stone, then after traveling to the location, has to reluctantly kill Gamora in order to gain possession of the stone. Trust me, it’s a rather harrowing scene to get through. Iron Man, Spider-Man and Strange run into Starlord, Drax and Mantis on Thanos’ homeworld of Titan, hatching a plan to remove the gauntlet from him, as there seems to be only one outcome of several million that results in the mad Titan losing. They almost succeed, until Starlord loses his otherwise cherub-like demeanor after learning that Thanos killed Gamora. Finally gaining the Time Stone, Thanos heads back to Earth to get the Mind Stone from Vision, who is in Wakanda, where the entire Wakandian army is lead by Black Panther, along with Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Banner in the Hulk Buster suit (because Hulk hasn’t wanted to smash after the beatdown at the beginning of the movie), and the newly hammered Thor is taking down Thanos’ horde. Everything is looking good for our heroes…until Thanos shows up. Then everyone is screwed. Seriously. It ends with the bad guy winning. Enjoy the rest of your day, folks.

Once again, Disney has proven that they are now the overlords of the movie releases now. With Marvel, just in this year alone (and it’s not even halfway through the year yet), they’ve already made all the money and broke all the records with Black Panther. Just a couple of months later, and they manage to once again blow everything out of the water with Infinity War. I’m not exaggerating. I don’t think anyone was expecting what happened in this movie. Not only did Avengers Infinity War manage to handle three major plot threads and weave them together into an epic story, it did so without sacrificing character development and story quality. What was truly amazing was that the character of Thanos — who could have easily been a paint-by-numbers Big Evil (see: Steppenwolf from The Justice League movie) — was given depth and motivation beyond “I’m just evil, it’s what I do”. There’s a scene where you start feeling some compassion for him, and kind of see things his way…although, he’s still a despot that’s committing mass genocide on an intergalactic scale, so he’s still the bad guy, make no doubt.

The writing was great, managing to keep all the different characters’ individual qualities. I like that eye for character detail they adhere to, going so far as bringing in James Gunn to write the parts for the Guardians Of The Galaxy to keep the continuity going. The result is some fantastic — and not to mention hilarious — interactions between the heroes during the conflict. Pretty much everyone gets a chance to shine, here. And by the time it gets to the end, you’re left with a feeling of being punched in the stomach by the Hulk himself.

Yeah, Avengers Infinity War is a bleak and dark entry in the series. Some say this is the Empire Strikes Back of the Avengers movies; I say that Avengers Infinity War makes Empire Strikes Back look like minor inconvenience. Walking out of the theater after the post-credit scene that sets up the next couple of Marvel movies to come, there were several children — and a few adults as well — that were crying due to the final few moments of the movie. People die. Characters you didn’t see coming, that you thought were safe from destruction. So much so, that I began wondering if Joss Wheadon didn’t have a hand in writing the final part of the script.

Enough of me going on and on with the review. If you haven’t seen Avengers Infinity War yet at this point, what are you waiting for? Go see this. Now. Stop reading this and go.

Movie Review: HUDSON HAWK

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hudson hawkTriStar Pictures
1991
R

“History, tradition, culture…are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece!”

Whenever I come across the movie Hudson Hawk mentioned in an article or podcast or whatever and whatnot, it’s always referenced as one of the worst movies of Bruce Willis’ film career. Not the worst, as it’s not even close to the likes of The Whole Ten Yards or A Good Day To Die Hard. I haven’t heard anyone say anything good about Hudson Hawk.

I aim to change that. Because, I may be in the woeful minority, but I actually not only enjoyed Hudson Hawk when I watched it in the theaters when it was released back in 1991, but I continue to watch it more often than most other movies.

If, for some reason you haven’t checked this out due to the negative press, Hudson Hawk is about a former cat burglar who is just released from prison, and just wants to play it straight, stay out of the crime game, and most importantly get a decent cup of Cappuccino. Only, there are certain people from the Mayflower Industries corporation who want to utilize Hudson’s special skill set to steal three of the most highly secured ancient artifacts in the world: the maquette of the Sforza, the Da Vinci Codex, and a scale model of DaVinci’s helicopter design. Why? Because these three components hide the pieces to a device that turns lead into gold, and Mr. and Mrs. Mayflower want to make their own gold to crash the world’s economy. To help Hawk on his mission is his long-time partner in crime, Tommy “Five-Tone” Messina, along with several associates that are on the Mayflower Industries’ payroll — including Hawk’s parole officers, a minor mob ring and some candy-themed CIA agents. Also, there’s a snarky British butler named Alfred with a propensity for spring-loaded wrist blades. With the help of an undercover nun (which is a great band name), it’s a wacky series of misadventures trying to keep the Mayflowers from taking over the world while attempting to have that elusive Cappuccino.

Hudson Hawk, to me, is the perfect flawed guilty pleasure. I adore this movie. It’s all over the place, with the cheeky performances, the over-the-top scene chewing, the absurdist humor injected into the plot, the gleeful cheese that flies at you…darn it, I’m just going to say give this at least one look before deciding for yourself if Hudson Hawk really is as bad as everyone says. As for me, I believe I just talked myself into watching this movie again.

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